He Came From a Nonstruct Region

OK. This is what we're doing.

2009-04-15T19:06:00.003-04:00

I'm sorry to keep shuttling everyone back and forth between theaters. But I got my account at TypePad working again, and that is my preferred venue. So new rule: Henceforth all Christopher King comedic writings will be available in one location at ckpi.typepad.com

One address. One show name. No moving around.

The name of the "show" is just Christopher King.

In the sidebar of the Christopher King blog will be links to all the old blogs located everywhere else in the universe.

Sorry about the hassle, everyone.

And in keeping with 2009 being a good year, and since we're going to have more fun from here on out, I will do some videos. I haven't done any since 2007 or so.

This is my pledge to you:

"Whereas I, Christopher King, cannot STAND doing vicious, mean, nasty material --it's bad for the soul and only causes people to hate me-- I will permit my style to evolve naturally, but it will tend toward the fun and the spiritual rewarding. In short, everyone ends the day better off for knowing me."

Everyone is welcome here, even if I kicked you out earlier; everyone is loved here; everyone is a valued member of the audience.

Please take a seat, please laugh, and please contribute to the joy in this world.

No more shivs. They hurt everyone involved.

Love and Peace to you.

Love, Chris

Noooowwwww, let's move! http://ckpi.typepad.com/

So I had my Nutjob Appointment today.

2009-04-15T16:44:00.002-04:00

At the nut hatch autism doctor. We talked for a while. (I conveniently neglected to mention that if I want to talk to the president I just type something and that people on TV are talking to me. Instant lockup.)

And he had me take an intelligence test with his buxom assistant doctor woman. I so completely aced it. I finished it and then I'm all like, "When's the test start?" and the doctor woman is fingering herself and she say "I want you baby, Mister King. Me want your genetic code like now."

But on the note of people on TV talking to me, please know that I do not receive television signals at my house. And I generally no longer catch too many shows on the internet. It's just too emotionally disturbing to try to read into things that people are saying. There's a 50/50 chance that I'll get it wrong. From now on I respond only to explicit YES/NO, ON/OFF queries. No offense to anyone, and I certainly didn't intend any if ever I was crazy in response to people on TV talking to me.

I like your shows; it's just too weird and too freaky to try to gain information in what people on TV say. So let's just not rely on it, ok?

The past four years have been real rough for me. Real stressful. Forgive me if I pissed anyone off. The stress was just unreal.

And the good thing about hiring me--

2009-04-15T08:06:00.002-04:00

is that I will officially have a disability --assuming that I allow the psychotherapist to put the moves on me. So with my handicap, I can cut your team some slack with the Equal Employment people or whatever in case you do too many retarded people jokes.

How's that sound?

I would very much like to work in comedy.

2009-04-15T07:46:00.003-04:00

I don't want the past six years to be a waste. If anyone wants to hire me, I would be much appreciative. I will do my level best to play well with others. And I'm sorry if ever I was mean to anyone. It was an unsavory but necessary ingredient in the stew of sadness that has been my brand of material.

I would like to come inside now. I'll be good.

Well, it's off to the nut hatch today.

2009-04-15T04:01:00.002-04:00

Not actually the nut hatch --the diagnostic psychotherapist's office. He specializes in autism spectrum disorders. He'll give me a once-over and maybe put the moves on me. (He sounds gay on the phone.)

After I pay him some money for several hours' testing, he will award me with my very own disability. I may then use that diagnosis to get out of any number of jams. "Excuse me! Asperger sufferer coming through! I've got a disability!" Maybe I'll even get a handicap placard for my car.

And then I can go to group therapy where we all sit around the nut hatch and learn skills like how to look at people without staring at them, how to modulate the tone of one's robot voice, and how generally not to be a complete creep.

I shall keep you apprised.

I'm missing something.

2009-04-15T02:58:00.002-04:00

Aside from honestly not knowing what "teabagging" meant in its slang usage, I see that all of a sudden there are tea parties going on all over the place and Fox News and everyone else is talking about them.

I am always suspicious when a thing goes mainstream. You are aware of my contrarian approach to things --my contention that since narratives and other products get sold just like soap powder, that what is believed by the bulk of the people in the center of the bell curve is the result of costly advertising. Who's behind the advertising? What is their aim? So when tea parties are all of a sudden popular, I am very skeptical.

This appears to be an establishment attempt to safely channel popular anger into some meaningless act. I will remind you that the original Boston Tea Party was an act of economic "terrorism." Some patriots destroyed the cargo of a vessel. It wasn't some symbolic act. It was a kick in the gut.

The truth is spoken in plain sight.

2009-04-15T01:58:00.002-04:00

A Homeland Security-funded law enforcement fusion center in Virginia included groups some may categorize as "leftwing" among those it considers to be terrorism threats. In a lengthy assessment, reported on by RAW STORY April 6, groups such as the anti-Scientology movement "Anonymous," the "New Black Panthers" and even environmental group "Earth First!" are said to be domestic terrorism risks. The Virginia assessment even alleged that the nation's oldest colleges are "radicalization nodes" for terrorist recruitment.

"This is the job of DHS, to assess what is happening in this country, with regard to homegrown terrorism, and determine whether it's an actual threat or not, and that's what these assessments do," a Homeland Security official told Fox on Monday. "This is nothing unusual. These assessments are done all the time. This is about awareness."

http://rawstory.com/news/2008/DHS_Rightwing_extremism...the_most_dangerous_terrorism_0414.html

I am going to help you understand what is happening. The body of the people have been attacked by a band of criminals. The federal government is completely corrupt. It is completely in service to bankers. (This is not an argument. I am not trying to convince you of anything. At this point in the game, I am merely informing you of how it is. I am the veteran beat cop pointing out the local criminal element to the rookie. So listen up.)

In the final paragraph of the excerpt above, the DHS Man says some things. In order to interpret what's he's saying, you need to know who he works for and who he regards as his enemy. (Don't make assumptions here. Don't assume that he works for you and that his enemies are the enemies that get advertised on TV, like ShamWow rags or that big, floppy, blanket garment that people wear as if they're one step from the nuthouse. Those garments are weird.)

He says that:

It is the job of DHS to assess what's happening in the country,
to determine whether it's a threat or not, and
this is about awareness.

Sure, but whose awareness? And awareness of what? Who is the people he works for, and on whose behalf the department was created. What is their political opposition, the average guy with a rifle who has the power to resist the conquering band of bankers.

Part of DHS's job is to scope out domestic challenges to that conquering band of bankers --those who hired corrupt elements of CIA, Mossad, and the Pentagon to execute 9-11. DHS then labels any domestic political opposition a "terrorist" or an "extremist." Those persons then fall within the purview of the "anti-terror" legislation and they may be "legally" whisked off to be raped and tortured, deprived of habeas corpus, never to be heard from again.

So now you know the purpose of DHS and all "anti-terror" legislation: to identify and neutralize domestic political opposition to the conquering of the United States.

You need to know that everything is completely backwards with DHS. The guys they say are the bad guys are actually the good guys. (DHS, will, of course, smear by association by throwing in some genuine bad guys on their list.) But there ain't nothin' more patriotic than Grannies with Guns. That's why DHS can't stand them.

If there is one thing I wish to impart to all of you, it is this:

2009-04-14T13:08:00.003-04:00

Don't wait to say "I love you."

Because you don't know when you'll get another chance. If you feel it, say it. "No strings attached. I love you. It doesn't mean anything beyond that. So don't be scared of this thing I'm telling you. It is simply this: I love you."

Everyone wants to be loved. Everyone deserves to be loved. George Bush, I love you. I always have. Barack Obama, I love you. I love each and every last one of you in my magical audience inside my mind.

If there is someone you love, but to whom you have not yet said "I love you," I want you to say it at your next meeting. If you don't know what to say, you say this: "There is something I have wanted to say. Don't take it at all bad; it's a good thing. I am simply stating that I love you."

Because you never know; that person may love you, too. And in any event, who will complain about being loved?

Love has been one of the recurring themes of mine over the past five years. This world needs more love.

Please love one another.

Love while you can.

"In the end, the joke will be on me."

2009-04-14T11:49:00.003-04:00

"Trust me: In the end the joke will be on me. And I don't mind the audience witnessing the joke being on me." --Little Mister Prophet, Chris King, May 2005

And this is where the punchline is now unveiled:

I would have won my prize had I

Not ever taken up stand-up and not ever covered The Material (That Needed Covering), and,
Never left Orlando.

In short, had I just hung around, I would have won back my best friend.

But in six years, people move on. People who deserve to move on. Everyone moves on.

...everyone except for Chris. ...because Chris gets stuck, like a broken record.

And that is that.

If someone wants to echo me back, that would be great.

2009-04-13T13:46:00.001-04:00

Because I'm very lonely right now and I need to know that someone's listening to my cell-wall tappings.

As a comedic form,

2009-04-13T13:39:00.003-04:00

a "shiv in the belly" is nothing. It's completely artless. Anyone can do it, even some common street thug.

I am going to go back to basics and start crafting some simple, setup/punchline jokes. The proper contrast of a punchline against a setup causes an involuntary paroxysm of laughter in the primate brain. Laughter feels good. So let's spoof that brain response just for the sake of doing it.

So even though the setup/punchline construction is very simple, maybe it's what the doctor ordered for us all. ...because we are all so very, very sad. And the laughter would do us good.

So let's forget the social commentary and the name-calling and the beatings for a while. Let's just see if we can laugh again.

This is why DHS needs to go bye-bye.

2009-04-13T11:06:00.002-04:00

A Department of Homeland Security intelligence assessment equates gun owners with violent terrorists and states that radical extremists are “stockpiling” weapons in fear of an Obama administration gun ban.

This newly uncovered document is just the latest in a long sordid line of training manuals in which the federal government characterizes millions of American citizens as potentially violent terrorists who are a threat to law enforcement.

The document is entitled Rightwing Extremism: Current Economic and Political Climate Fueling Resurgence in Radicalization and Recruitment (PDF link) and was released just a few days ago. The paper is labeled Law Enforcement Sensitive and states, “No portion of the LES information should be released to the media, the general public, or over non-secure Internet servers. Release of this information could adversely affect or jeopardize investigative activities.”

However, probably as a result of a concerned whistleblower, the secret document has been leaked to the Internet. Alex Jones called the numbers listed on the document and validated its authenticity. He contacted the “watch captain” at the Department of Homeland Security’s National Infrastructure Coordinating Center who confirmed the product number on the document as legitimate but would not comment further. A call to the FBI went unanswered.

http://www.prisonplanet.com/secret-homeland-security-threat-assessment-labels-gun-owners-potential-terrorists.html

Are you starting to get the picture? Rahm Emanuel drools at the prospect of employing some kind of retrograde, boneswinger, cucka law that allows for nullifying the 2nd Amendment just by putting someone on DHS's Smelly Ol' Terriss List. See how easy it is?

And DHS now considers gun owners to be on a par with terriss and extremiss.

DHS is an arm of Israeli intelligence. Michael Chertoff invented DHS. (Who, again, is the ugliest human I have ever seen. His face is the physically ugliest malformed abortion I have ever witnessed. His ugly, satanic soul verily manifests itself in his physical form. He is ugliness personified. He is the single ugliest beast I have ever seen.)

Israeli intelligence played an instrumental role in 9-11.

It is no wonder that Israelis like Rahm Emanuel want to disarm Americans.

I say we get a list of all Israeli DHS officers, drag them from their homes at midnight and put bullets in their heads. How's that sound? Is that extremist enough? 'Cause it's the American Way, you know, killing agents of known hostile foreign powers that fly planes into the World Trade Center. How can you argue with it?

A waste then to put it down?

2009-04-13T08:33:00.001-04:00

Beak click-on beak clack

2009-04-13T08:16:00.000-04:00

I'm going to go on vacation.

2009-04-11T16:18:00.002-04:00

A real one this time.

I'm tired. I'm tired of fighting and tummling and starting trouble. I'm tired of losing my soul. I'm tired of wondering whether I was bad for my audience today. I'm just tired in every way. And I question whether I'm not starting to cause more harm than good.

I simply don't want to do this anymore. Like the job at the liquidation store, it was promised to be something more than it really was. I didn't think it would be taping up broken bags of cat litter all the time. So I just finally got tired and quit. No hard feelings.

I have nothing left. It's all gone. I started this road trip with a tank of gas and a backseat full of provisions and it's all gone. There is nothing left. Nothing. And the road trip was never in service to myself. That's the added dash of... je ne sais quoi... that makes the experience all the more... something...ly... bothersome. To me.

Nasty, mean-spirited "social commentary" is no substitute for humor. And I fear that I've lost what humor I had. Sticking a shiv in someone's belly is not quite the same thing as bringing joy into someone's life, now is it? One's soul is enriched by one of them, impoverished by the other. You know that it's time to go when you can no longer deliver on your promise to make an audience laugh. I'm just too angry and too dark and too mean right now. I really can't be of any use in this state. One comes to know when it's time to fix oneself. "If the cabin depressurizes, put on your own mask first."

I told you that 2009 is the year that good things happen for me. And it is. I have not used any drugs in two years, I have not smoked cigarettes in three weeks, and I drink no more than two drinks in an evening now. I take a brisk, three-mile walk each morning and I feel like a new man. Now that my body is getting in shape, maybe I'll go see someone about working on this mess of a mind of mine.

I'll be around if anyone wants me. I'm easy to find. But absent some explicit, unmistakable invitation to keep up this line of work, I don't see myself continuing. It's a dead-end job. No offense to anyone in my audience, but let's be honest: It's like working at the liquidation store; I'm going broke working for you. I have gone broke: financially, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. There is not a single subsystem that works right now.

I went on a date with a charming young person the other day. He likes 'em older and decrepit and with shingles on their face. Don't ask me why.

He has nothing but bright, shining things in his future. All good things coming down the pike for him. He asked what the license plate on my car was. "It is such a very long story..."

And I realized that he cannot benefit by knowing me.

It is very difficult to feel good about yourself when you have to concede that others cannot benefit by knowing you. "This person can only lose by knowing me. Huh."

Though it's no one's fault, my good-faith prosecution of this line of work has served only to alienate me further from the society with which I sought to connect. The more I reach, the further everything recedes from grasp.

It's like everything over the past six years has been exactly backwards.

I do not wish to go backwards anymore. And so I do not wish to continue this.

I will post technical things related to my jurisdiction at the USov site: http://unitedsov.blogspot.com/

What weakens the Americans' hand here,

2009-04-11T15:15:00.002-04:00

is that these Somali pirates are dealing with animals.

A Pentagon official who spoke on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the negotiations said in Washington Saturday morning that there had been no developments overnight. He declined to comment on the report that the U.S. Navy had turned back the pirates.

However, two U.S. officials said Saturday that FBI agents are investigating the Somali pirates who are holding Phillips hostage, raising the possibility of federal charges against the men if they are captured. The officials who spoke on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to discuss the case.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/11/us-warships-block-help-fo_n_185830.html

The FBI cannot effectively bargain because the word of an American has no value. And I suspect that the Somalis are afraid to surrender because they fear being raped, tortured, and killed.

They're dealing with American servicemen. They're dealing with lawless animals.

See,

2009-04-10T06:21:00.002-04:00

the problem with the anthrax was that it was so highly weaponized and so specialized that it could easily be traced back to a United States facility.

And the problem with this nanothermite that was found in the WTC dust is that it was so specialized that it can be traced back to the United States Army.

Well, we already have an anthrax--New York--WTC--Giuliani--Army nexus, don't we?

...Army Secretary Thomas E. White. He's a good starting point for your nanothermite investigations.

What lab did that nanothermite come from?

Find it.

Holder.

2009-04-10T05:17:00.002-04:00

Download and read this PDF file of the Open Chemical Physics Journal, titled Active Thermitic Material Discovered in Dust from the 9/11 World Trade Center Catastrophe. http://www.bentham-open.org/pages/content.php?TOCPJ/2009/00000002/00000001/7TOCPJ.SGM

It's a good read.

Warning: It's more challenging than what you'd get from the "news"paper or the nightly "news." There's no mention of Allah Ahkbar Jihadists who made that la-la-la-la-la! noise when they defied the laws of physics and then three buildings blowed up and fell down, or how they used their minds to remove the center columns from the Twin Towers so that NIST could accidentally remove those center columns from their models and show how the buildings could blow right up and fall right down, or how the Terriss warped spacetime with their magic dust and caused the White House to set the table with the Cipro china two weeks before the anthrax attacks.

There is nothing stupid, asinine, or mentally retarded in this report, so it is nothing that you would read in the newspaper or see on TV news.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you won't hear Brian Williams talk about this stuff. (Did you hear he won a news award of some kind?)

So why don't you run along and play Attorney General? Hmmm? Sit splayed-toed in front of aalllll those law books of yours and put something together. Don't pick your bumbum! We're watching!

P.S. I loooove how none of your laws even touch me. Not paying income tax for fifteen years is fun. I bought lots of hookers this year. (And I didn't even wind up like the ShamWow guy.) Oh, how the mighty United States has fallen: Can you even imagine back in its heyday, back in the fifties or sixties, back in the strong-like-bull days of all those gleaming B52 bombers and moon landings some guy just openly defying the full weight of the United States? It's like you don't even exist vis-a-vis United Sovereigns of America. Do you see what happens when you lose moral authority? It is as if you had no laws at all.

So why don't you play cops and robbers and go bang-bang! with your finger pistol and go arrest some people? Okay? Let's at least pretend that the mighty United States still exists. Just for old time's sake?

Cue hand wringing in three, two, one.

2009-04-08T20:59:00.002-04:00

NAIROBI/NEW YORK (Reuters) - The crew of a U.S.-flagged, Danish-owned freighter hijacked by pirates off Somalia retook control of the ship on Wednesday but their captain was still being held hostage on a lifeboat, the shipping line and a crew member said.

The crew of 20 Americans were in control of the ship and were trying to negotiate their captain's release while they waited for a U.S. warship to arrive, second mate Ken Quinn told CNN.
...
The ship seizure, about 300 miles off Somalia, was the first time Somali pirates have seized U.S. citizens, if only briefly.

U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said she was very worried by the hijacking and called for world action to end the "scourge" of piracy.

http://www.reuters.com/article/worldNews/idUSL851535820090408

It's easy to end the scourge of piracy: You identify the pirates' hangouts and vessels, you keep an eye on them with satellites, you dispatch warships, and you preemptively sink their boats.

How hard is it?

Teddy Roosevelt would be shaking his head at today's military. They can't prevent Israelis from flying planes into the World Trade Center, they can't bring those grunting animals to justice when they're found out, they get the wrong guys in Iraq and Afghanistan --you know, places that had nothing to do with 9-11-- they rape little girls and boys in gulag hellholes, aaaannnnnndddd --drumroll, please-- they can't manage to rid the shipping lanes of guys with machetes and AK-47s in speedboats.

I'm pretty sure the Department of Defense does absolutely nothing.

When the postmortem is performed on this age of putrid lies,

2009-04-08T19:17:00.003-04:00

lies that caused the murders of three thousand people in New York, the murders of a million Iraqis, the torture of scores of hapless nobodies, and the domestic theft of Americans' rights and the dismantling of lawful government, it will be plain --with precious, precious few exceptions-- that if a word was printed on newsprint or was spoken on television, that it was completely irrelevant to any meaningful national discussion.

From the years 2001 to 2009, the value of the print and broadcast news media approached zero. Good for disseminating narratives, but little else.

So when you've been laid off from your newspaper job and you regret not being able to hobnob with thieves at your Gridiron dinner or whatever --journalists should never, ever be hobnobbing with politicians, much less dancing onstage with Mixmaster Rove and the Funky Bunch anyway-- so when you're sitting in your sunroom at home, drinking coffee at eight in the morning instead of being at work, don't moan and groan about those filthy bloggers stealing your oh-so-valuable AP news and aggregating it.

...You weren't doing anything with it anyway.

Nine-Eleven, the story of your LIFETIME, got broke by the alternative news media.

Not you.

Let's recap:

A five-dollar calculator will indicate that it is nigh impossible for a steel-framed structure to collapse from fire. NIGH IMPOSSIBLE. It brushes up against 'impossible.' And three structures successfully brush up against 'impossible' and collapse in one day? Uh huh. Right.
Your five-dollar calculator predicts that the energy deficit required to collapse those buildings can best be accounted for by demolitions charges. Thermite demolitions charges are the mode of the day. Hypothesis formed.
Lo and behold, physicists independently discover thermitic material in the World Trade Center debris. Hypothesis buttressed.

So when you're cryin' a river about how no one appreciates good journalism anymore, just remember that you can't even cover your own material, the SCOOP OF A LIFETIME, how thieves hired compartmentalized elements within the CIA, Mossad, the Pentagon, the Bush Administration, and the "news" media to pull off the most artless forgery in anyone's recollection.

Pray tell, when are you planning on covering this story?

So Obama has apparently been to the same strip-mall law school that John Yoo went to.

2009-04-08T19:00:00.002-04:00

He's got some cockamamie notion of sovereign immunity regarding warrantless wiretapping.

Listen: Either the government permits dispassionate, ho-hum, boring legalpad-and-briefcase warfare in a courtroom to right wrongs, or the people are left with no option but to start killing government agents willy-nilly and burning government buildings down.

That's what lawsuits are for. Deny the people lawsuits and you invite Molotov cocktails. Pick one.

The abuses of the past eight years are over and THEY WILL BE REVERSED, ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. What's it gonna be?

9-11 was a con job executed by thieves. Tomorrow resembles 9-10. ACCOMMODATE YOURSELVES TO THIS REALITY.

Holder.

2009-04-08T15:56:00.002-04:00

Take this for action.

And remove me from all terra lists so that I might work. And see that the "SSSS" printed on my airline ticket never again appears. (It's a bit of an insult, wouldn't you say, when we've got criminals running around in broad daylight?)

Now at least act like you work in law enforcement. Nose around Silverstein, Dov Zakheim, Army Secretary Thomas E. White, Rudy Giuliani, Bio-One, and Securacom. You'll have your perps in no time. Try the whole detective thing; it's fun.

P.S. I enjoy being completely exempt from each and every United States law.

I am presently formulating a plan to eradicate the United States.

2009-04-07T13:33:00.004-04:00

It is a jurisdiction that is bothersome to me. It steals from me, even when I pretend that it does not exist. Therefore, it needs to disappear.

My jurisdiction is unassailable by United States. I am an 800-pound gorilla. United States lacks prybars sufficient to move my fat ass. All I have to do is decide that I will sit over here now and that is that.

That is how I will terminate United States.

I will let you know the specifics.

There goes the neighborhood.

2009-04-07T12:21:00.002-04:00

BOSTON (Reuters) – Vermont lawmakers on Tuesday overrode a veto from the governor in passing a bill that would allow same-sex marriage, clearing the way for the state to become the fourth in the nation where gay marriage is legal.

The Vermont House of Representatives passed the bill by a 100-49 vote after it cleared the state Senate 23-5 earlier in the day. In Vermont, a bill needs two-thirds support in each chamber to override a veto.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090407/ts_nm/us_gaymarriage_vermont_3

You are aware of my opinion on the matter.

The proponents of gay marriage say it's about fairness, I suppose.

Okay. Let's say we have two towns. One has a bridge and the other does not have a bridge. The town without the bridge demands to have a bridge. Why should one town get to have a bridge when the other should not have a bridge, right? Shouldn't the town without a bridge have a bridge?

It depends on what the purpose of a bridge is.

There is a reason why the town without a bridge does not have a bridge: There is nothing over which they need to place a bridge. No river, no chasm, no nothing. The town should not have a bridge because it does not need a bridge.

So the answer to the question of "should not all towns have equal access to bridges" depends on what the purpose of a bridge is.

The purpose of marriage is to promote the stability of the family. A family is comprised of a mother, father, and children. "That is Ogg's woman. You no touch Ogg's woman or village elders beat you with sticks. That is law. You leave other man's woman alone. And Ogg must feed his babies. That is law."

There is no function to gay marriage. It doesn't do anything that cannot be achieved by other legal means, such as durable powers of attorney, etc.

Although I can argue it the other way and tell the good conservative folks of the land not to get too self-satisfied: Their little slut daughters are always knocked up and going unwed. Why, I cannot seem to find a single eligible girl to marry who doesn't already have some other guy's baby, and who isn't on welfare.

I refuse to toil to feed another man's child. My genetic material comes first.

Your society is doomed because the family failed. The family failed because marriage was not enforced on little slut girls and their no-count, loser boyfriends.

We need fewer gay marriages around here and more shotgun marriages.

CLEAVE TO YOUR WOMAN AND FEED YOUR CHILDREN. LET NO ONE TEAR ASUNDER YOUR FAMILY.

Change we can believe in.

2009-04-07T12:03:00.002-04:00

In a stunning defense of President George W. Bush's warrantless wiretapping program, President Barack Obama has broadened the government's legal argument for immunizing his Administration and government agencies from lawsuits surrounding the National Security Agency's eavesdropping efforts.

In fact, a close read of a government filing last Friday reveals that the Obama Administration has gone beyond any previous legal claims put forth by former President Bush.

Responding to a lawsuit filed by a civil liberties group, the Justice Department argued that the government was protected by "sovereign immunity" from lawsuits because of a little-noticed clause in the Patriot Act. The government's legal filing can be read here (PDF).

http://rawstory.com/news/2008/Obama_Administration_quietly_expands_Bushs_legal_0407.html

The man is a complete fraud. Have you Obamadrones gotten the picture yet? (You looked pretty idiotic, by the way, with your cryin' and your swayin' and your singin'. You looked like a bunch of buck-toothed republicans at Jesus Camp, playing the spoons and whistlin' across a moonshine jug.)

He doesn't work for you. He used you to get elected. (Suckered again. When will you fools ever learn?) He works for the bankers who purchased ProductName 9-11 from the CIA, Mossad, and the Pentagon. Then those bankers went on to get their lackeys in Congress to submit and pass legislation that provided for the dismantling of your lawful government. Smooth move.

Get down with the times: Recognize that the government pulled up stakes and went bye-bye. Form your own jurisdiction. Problem solved.

Obama: Pretty soon I'll be transmitting a draft version of the PPU Interoperations Framework. Since no one is following the law around here, I will tell you what I will permit in my life.

I will inform you of what the law is. You get no input on what the law is when you ignore the law.

War criminal.

Vinny wins an award.

2009-04-07T05:02:00.002-04:00

PHOENIX — NBC anchorman Brian Williams has been named this year's recipient of the Walter Cronkite Award.

Williams will be honored by Arizona State University's Walter Cronkite School of Journalism at a luncheon Nov. 18 in Phoenix.

The "NBC Nightly News" anchor says he grew up idolizing Cronkite and there is no greater name in broadcast journalism.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/06/brian-williams-wins-walte_n_183755.html

Well maybe now that he's all journalist and everything, Mister Williams will explain to his audience how he allowed Message Force Multipliers --paid shills of the Pentagon and the defense industries-- to pose as objective authorities on his news show. Mister Williams has yet to apologize to his audience.

And maybe he'll let us all know how That Cho Thing really went down, what with that eagle-eyed postal worker just happening to notice the return address on a piece of mail --out of all the pieces of mail that move through Manhattan on any given day, our intrepid postal worker just happened to notice that one-- and he dropped everything he was doing and breathlessly hand-delivered it to the NBC News studios.

Uh huh.

Sociopaths.

Obviously, the United States Government needs to be removed by force.

2009-04-07T04:14:00.002-04:00

(And I'm sure that statement will get me on yet another terra list. I don't care. I'm just rackin' 'em up, like comedy prizes. I will verily collapse under the weight of them all at the awards ceremony. "And the winner is... America's Senior Hobbyist Comedian (R)! He wins again!")

A newly leaked terrorism assessment from a law enforcement fusion center in Virginia shows that police and feds are targeting "historically black colleges" as "radicalization nodes" for terrorists.

RAW STORY has published the entirety of the 215 page report, available here in PDF format.

http://rawstory.com/news/2008/Virginia_terror_assessment_targets_enormous_crosssection_0406.html

I absolutely GUARANTEE YOU that input on the creation of this list was provided by the Anti-Defamation League and/or the Southern Poverty Law Center. If either one of them opens its mouth, run the other way. Only putrid, disgusting lies will spill forth.

The ADL is a known intelligence operation of a hostile foreign power, the nation that attacked you on 9-11, Israel. Its job is to spread lies. It defames. And it spies on Americans. You can do a search for 'ADL' and 'spying' and read all about it. The ADL is a rat's nest of vermin.

Fusion Center = Department of Homeland Security penetration of local law enforcement.

It is said that the Justice Department had become politicized during the Bush Adminstration, right? What's that mean? That means that it had come to operate on something other than pure principles of proper government; it had come to operate to the benefit of some special political interest.

Well, if the Justice Department had become politicized, then what makes you think that the entire government had not become politicized?

And someone recently said that Dick Cheney had "stay-behinds" in the government, people who reported back to him and who would presumably do his bidding.

So we have made the conceptual leap that entire departments of the government had become politicized, and that people exist within that government who work for their own private ends while executing their civil servant function.

This means that your own United States Government is, to some degree, operating unlawfully.

I will tell you that whenever you see any official pronouncement whatsoever about "terrorism," that pronouncement has been promulgated by the very people who executed 9-11. They are doing one of two things:

They are cultivating the gardeners who can carry the knife from the kitchen into the study, or
They are laying plot points for the eventual smearing of the their political enemies.

For example --if you can care to click through to the Raw Story piece-- you will see some militia groups and "Lone Wolf" people and --get this-- some group called "Anonymous" --I guess that's the catch-all. These would be their political enemies, I suppose. (By the way, "militia groups" are perfectly legal. They are the unorganized militia. They are groups of guys with guns and chewing tobacco who get together now and again and drag government agents from the dinner table at gunpoint and unceremoniously blow their brains out on the front lawn for the crime of being uppity and presuming to call advocating an adherence to the Constitution to be illegal. Militia groups are the salt of the earth --unless you're a criminal. Militia groups are the American Way. Why, Deval Patrick knows something about Militia Groups; he marches around his office with a tri-cornered hat.)

And, further, in this list you will see something called "Sovereign Citizen Extremists." I know which "sovereign citizens" they're talking about. They're talking about those people who claim a United States citizenship by virtue of first being a state citizen, not by virtue of the 14th Amendment. Strictly speaking, the "sovereign" referred to here is not the "sovereign" in the sense in which I use it. The sense in which I use it is that when political structures operate manifestly unlawfully, they extinguish themselves. All sovereignty devolves to the individual, from whom political structures derive their sovereignty. There are some people in this world who believe that sovereignty begins with the state. They are incorrect. Men existed prior to the state; ergo the state could not have ever been sovereign absent a transfer of original sovereignty.

In short, when all jurisdictions in sight extinguish themselves through unlawful behavior, the man left standing possesses his original sovereignty. Some people don't like this notion; they would prefer that a government not lose its sovereignty despite its unlawful behavior. And this is why certain people are on the terra list. They represent a mortal threat to an out-of-control government.

I am sorry to hear that your mother died.

2009-04-07T03:54:00.001-04:00

I will do my best to make you smile today.

Waking up.

2009-04-06T20:44:00.001-04:00

Dangerous material is the crack cocaine of comedy.

2009-04-06T10:11:00.002-04:00

I haven't done any in a while and now I'm jonesin'.

But it's not like I have to get on my hands and knees and finger through the shag carpet, looking for a rock I may have dropped once; there's plenty for the plucking like fruit from a tree.

Do you know Douglas Adams and his Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy? Do you remember the babel fish? The babel fish was a species of small fish that --when inserted into one's ear-- could translate any spoken language into brain waves. It was the perfect translator between races. Anything could be translated; just put a babel fish in your ear and listen.

We have a babel fish, you know: thermitic material. It's used in controlled demolitions. Thermitic material was found in the World Trade Center rubble. (Which is probably why the big rush in cleaning it up, even though it was, like, some major crime scene of the century. "Nothing to see here.")

Thermitic material is the babel fish of American politics. It translates anything the Government Man says into brain waves. When the Government Man has something to say to me, I have to beg his indulgence for a moment while I put in my babel fish. I press my finger down on it like I'm seating an earpiece. Ready! "Ah, there we go. I'm sorry, please continue?"

"Yes, Mister King, as I was saying before you had the smashing good idea to insert your universal translator, I could be saying anything right now: Maybe I'm trying to enforce a parking ticket; maybe I'm here with the Prize Patrol to deliver an oversized check and some balloons. It doesn't matter; anything I might say is going to be translated the same way by your Babel Fish of American Politics, and that translation is this:

"It is now clear to even the biggest moron in the world that the Twin Towers were brought down in a controlled demolition, using thermite demolitions charges, just as your Big Button Calculator predicted. But even though you are extremely brilliant, you're no smarter than I, the Government Man. Your intelligence is no better than mine; I have entire teams of very smart people who are supposed to be professional investigators. So we know full well that the Twin Towers were brought down using thermite. But yet we do nothing about it. That means that we're complicit in it; we work for the bankers who commissioned the event for the purpose of launching foreign wars of aggression and for the purpose of dismantling lawful government and enslaving your children.

"Because the TV Man tells us that 9-11 was executed by smelly ol' terriss, and since it turns out that I abet the people who executed 9-11, then that means --quite logically and legally-- that I am a smelly ol' terriss.

"And since it is the highest patriotic duty of Americans --or so goes the advertising, anyway-- to kill the smelly ol' terriss who executed 9-11, you have my permission, kind sir, to immediately kill me if I so much as look at you crosseyed. It plays very, very well, so don't you worry. And thanks for giving me the warning; I'll be on my best behavior now that I know where you stand.

"Isn't it a wondrous world in which we live? If I am smart, I will never, ever, ever come around, trying to extend my "law" to you. My standards are obviously inferior to yours.

"I think it is so massively cool that you have your own jurisdiction. It is so completely rad that no one's laws even touch you. You have perfect moral authority. Your conception of law is just higher, that's all.

"You truly are a sovereign being, Mister King. You are the first person in the history of the world to publicly and righteously shrug off the yoke of the state. No one in your theater could, with a straight face, claim to possess the moral authority to rule you.

"Good show, Mister King."

"There must be someone else there besides your wife to answer. ...There's a man answering."

2009-04-06T07:40:00.002-04:00

My signature wardrobe is the following:

2009-04-06T06:54:00.002-04:00

Full Nazi regalia: polished black boots, black uniform, armband. Armband has a pagan fertility symbol on it --a bee, maybe. I'm wearing one of those surgeon's mirrors on my head. In my breast pocket is a scalpel. Full Heil Hitler salute with my right arm. My left hand holds one of those dog leashes with the invisible dog on the end.

Isn't it delicious in so many ways?

Can you see it coming into view? It's your future.

2009-04-06T05:55:00.001-04:00

I went to a fag party last night.

2009-04-05T13:03:00.002-04:00

At someone's well-appointed fag house. A restored Victorian beauty.

A fag party is where all the homos recognize that this isn't a company function, so they leave their girlfriends at home; there's no one to fool with protestations of not being a fag when you ostentatiously drag your girlfriend around trying to convince people that you're not as queer as you obviously are. At a fag party, there are no such pretensions to straightness; you can suck some dicks if you want to and no one will mind. People figure you probably do that anyway, what with being so obviously gay. And get out of my theater, by the way.

So all the homos want gay marriage. I couldn't care less. I'm more concerned about finding a date, someone who will complement my dazzlingly attractive personality. So let's not put the cart before the horse.

Vermont's got some gay marriage legislation sitting on the Governor's desk, awaiting his expected veto.

The homos wanted me to put in a good word. Again, I don't actually care. But here's the good word.

Obligation fulfilled.

"Chris, your so stupid."

2009-04-05T08:46:00.002-04:00

"That certainly cannot be thermitic material in the recovered World Trade Center dust; its existence would confirm the predictions of your four-dollar-and-ninety-nine-cent Big Button calculator that you got at the liquidation store; it would confirm your contention that an energy deficit would have required the application of external sources of energy to bring down the twin towers; it would prove your hypothesis that thermite demolitions charges were employed in the collapse of the World Trade Center. It seems you have your smoking gun, finally. ...P.S.: I think it's so cool how you have your own government now and how no one else's laws touch you. Can I join?"

A team of nine scientists have unearthed startling data from dust gathered in the days and weeks after the World Trade Center towers collapsed on 9/11. They discovered that scattered throughout the dust samples were red and gray chips of 'active thermitic material', or an un-reacted pyrotechnic explosive.

...

“These observations reminded us of nano-thermite fabricated at the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory and elsewhere; available papers describe this material as an intimate mixture of UFG[Ultra-fine grain] aluminum and iron oxide in nano-thermite composites to form pyrotechnics or explosives. Commercially available thermite behaves as an incendiary when ignited, but when the ingredients are ultra-fine grain and are intimately mixed, this 'nano-thermite' reacts very rapidly, even explosively, and is sometimes referred to as 'super-thermite',” the report explains.

http://rawstory.com/news/2008/Scientists_find_active_superthermite_in_WTC_0404.html

"Nano...composites...fabric--...super thermite?... Huh? How will Abe Foxman and Mark Weitzman moan and groan and fall down and turn an ankle and burst into tears about how these pocket-protector-equipped scientists should be regarded as Allah Ahkbar jihadists if there isn't a single recipe for eating Jews in their report?"

Global Reserve Currency

2009-04-04T09:09:00.003-04:00

A single clause in Point 19 of the communiqué issued by the G20 leaders amounts to revolution in the global financial order.

"We have agreed to support a general SDR allocation which will inject $250bn (£170bn) into the world economy and increase global liquidity," it said. SDRs are Special Drawing Rights, a synthetic paper currency issued by the International Monetary Fund that has lain dormant for half a century.

In effect, the G20 leaders have activated the IMF's power to create money and begin global "quantitative easing". In doing so, they are putting a de facto world currency into play. It is outside the control of any sovereign body. Conspiracy theorists will love it.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/comment/ambroseevans_pritchard/5096524/The-G20-moves-the-world-a-step-closer-to-a-global-currency.html

So the bankers --who comprise their own territorially inspecific jurisdiction-- remove liquidity from the global financial system in the Financial Attack of 2008, let the world sweat it for a few months, then roll out their new global currency, based on some kind of special drawing rights.

Do you see that this currency is just a "long pole" with which to immobilize the peoples of the world? Like in that movie Apocalypto, where the slaves got tied together with a long pole?

Folks, I am not in competition with anyone. Should anyone out there regard himself as my political adversary, he is mistaken. I am a free agent. I am not "against" anyone. I don't want your money. I don't want your women. I'm tellin' ya how I see it, and that's all I have to offer.

Some idiot walked into the gas station the other day. Fancies himself a genius because he's "pretty active in the market." The stock market, I suppose. He's on a first-name basis, he's so intimate with it; it's just the "market" to him.

Well, the "market" is a ponzi scheme. It's a game of musical chairs. It's where very smart, very wealthy people legally steal money from poor, stupid people. And if you are not of the caliber of person who owns shares in central banks, then let me tell you right now that you're a nobody. You're in the market to get fleeced, and you're too stupid to realize it.

He wants to talk finance with the gas station guy. Fine. I can talk finance. I say, "I can predict what's going to happen with the dollar's status as a reserve currency because I happen to know that the owners of the Federal Reser--"

"Bup bup bup!" He waved his hand as if swatting a fly from his ear. "I don't want to hear your black helicopter talk."

He has obviously been listening to talk radio; he has no idea what he's talking about. Someone who gets paid big money to perform on TV or on the radio has been putting in his head the notion that discussing the identities of the owners of central banks is cockamamie kookie talk. Mission accomplished. Our Finance Expert now has no clue who runs the show around here.

(Not to mention that I can talk black helicopter talk if he wants me to. That's not black helicopter talk. If I start talking black helicopter talk, his mind would implode and he'd never get out of bed again.)

It's often useful to know who owns things. Because once you know who owns a thing, you may be able to guess how he may dispose of that thing.

A lot of land around here is owned by paper companies. You can lease a plot of land from the paper company and put a structure on it. Maybe you can rent someone else's structure that has already been built on a plot. It is useful to know who owns that land. The paper company may, at any time, instruct you to remove your building from your leased plot of land. They have every right to do so.

This is perhaps an inapt analogy, but the point is that it is often useful to know who owns things. This knowledge lets you predict the future.

Our Finance Expert doesn't even understand that the Federal Reserve Note is a privately owned and issued fiat currency.

Likewise, these Special Drawing Rights --or whatever the bankers settle on as a new global reserve currency-- are a privately owned and issued fiat currency. It will be useful to know who owns them, as we may then predict the behavior of the owners of that currency.

I happen to know that the owners of the various European central banks are a murderous bunch. Adolf Hitler was their little darling who could do no wrong.

Meditate on this for a moment: The bankers who heretofore had contented themselves with a eugenics operation confined to the reach of the Nazi war machine have just created a new global reserve currency, the use of which will permit them to dissolve all national sovereignty and install themselves as the de facto rulers of the world. They will have tied everyone to a long pole, from which no one will escape.

Ahem: A global Nazi dictatorship is in the process of being erected by the same bankers who hired Adolf Hitler to cleanse the diseased limb of those who had rejected the authority of the Talmud. Is that clear enough for you?

If any global, fiat reserve currency is permitted to exist, the creators and owners of that currency WILL bring a hell to this earth. Your children will forever be enslaved.

Do you not feel any obligation to future generations? Do you feel no responsibility to leave them free rather than enslaved? You remove sharp nails from your house and install safety things in the electrical outlets so that small children don't get shocked. But you feel no concern whatsoever about leaving dangerous political structures lying around?

Folks, I am no one's enemy. I am telling you that you are enslaving your own children.

If there is any global fiat reserve currency, administered and policed by some private entity, they will use that power to compel your children to serve them.

And if you --like our Finance Expert-- think that you are one of the important players, you're not. You will not be served. You will do the serving. You and your children.

Tyrannical political systems only become more tyrannical. They feed on themselves. They produce all manner of dehumanizing behavior.

The entire world will be a Nazi concentration camp. The entire world will resemble China, where if you complain in any way, you will simply be tortured and then killed for your organs.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

2009-04-03T07:27:00.003-04:00

I know that you'll be discussing some kind of international currency solution at your G20 meeting.

There is something that you should be aware of, which your intelligence agencies already know: The bankers who commissioned 9-11 are the same bankers who commissioned the Shoah. They also executed the Financial Attack of 2008, which has caused the very financial troubles in which we now find ourselves.

They created the problem and they now offer the solution. ...conveniently enough...

Do not take it.

If you permit these bankers to issue a global currency in which all human economic activity is conducted, then those bankers will control all human economic activity. It is quite necessarily so. They will be the electrician in the cellar.

I've been studying these Luciferian bankers for some number of years.

If you permit these bankers to issue one global currency, they will erect their global government and bring hell to this earth.

You must devise a new currency whose value cannot be manipulated by any one party. Your currency must have inherent value. It must be backed by commodities.

If you permit these Luciferian bankers to control your currency, all future generations will live in total, dehumanizing slavery.

That is not hyperbole.

Bankers are the enemies of all mankind. They are parasites. They are the enemies of mankind. Do you understand?

Do not give bankers control over the medium of human economic activity.

Occupation government? Where have I heard that before?

2009-04-02T06:35:00.003-04:00

Former Vice President Dick Cheney has moles in the Obama government which report back to him from the Pentagon, investigative reporter Seymour Hersh told NPR and MSNBC on Tuesday.

Speaking with NPR's Terri Gross, Hersh revealed that the former Vice President -- who he characterized as "really smart" -- has individuals that report back to him from key positions in government. He called these individuals "stay-behinds," an intelligence term generally applied to insiders left behind in foreign governments after the occupying power is driven out.

http://rawstory.com/news/2008/Hersh_Cheney_has_moles_in_Obama_0401.html

"Chris, even though you're a complete nutjob and I laugh my horse-faced laugh at whatever kookie thing you're saying next, it seems that you're always several years ahead of the curve. It seems that we've been living under an occupation government for the past eight years, ever since Cheney's banker employers flew planes into the World Trade Center and then trotted out their Enabling Acts which erected a police state. (And that certainly explains why Norm Mineta witnessed Dick Cheney presiding over the interceptor stand-down on 9-11.) Now excuse me while I laugh my horse-faced laugh at your latest contention that the occultist, pagan, Earthen Ones are erecting a gigantic fascist state for the purpose of carrying out a global, Nazi, eugenics program to reduce the human population by 80% and create a slave class. Hahaha. You're such an idiot."

Fake Plastic Trees

2009-04-01T20:18:00.000-04:00

Adolf Hitler is my hero. I'm glad that Rabbi Schneerson turned me on to all the good that he did and all the diseases he cured.

2009-03-31T09:06:00.003-04:00

What's possessing the Funniest Joke Since the Cambrian Explosion worth if you can't take it out from under its glass and show it off at dinner parties now and again?

My rage is so multi-faceted,

2009-03-30T10:13:00.003-04:00

that each distinct side of my anger acts in concert, like the panels of some desert solar collector, to focus each sliver of my ire into one locus of all-consuming, seething, surface-of-the-sun, runaway nuclear fusion meltdown.

I don't comprehend how the human soul can withstand this much pure rage without being destroyed by it. How does the human organism even function while bathed in the glow of this much anger?

I know that I have the tendency to lash out and say hurtful things. This is because I have very little emotional control. So I will attempt to describe for you my anger, rather than act it out.

I am angry about the following things, in no particular order:

I am angry that no one will speak to me. I suspect that I am on various terra lists, whereby no one may warn me that I am being investigated. We've got lots of secret laws now, where some claim the authority to demand that one not warn another that he is under investigation. I don't care. I don't take instruction from criminals. If one of them were to interview me about some suspect person and then demand that I not warn that person that he is being investigated, MY IMMEDIATE RESPONSE, BORN OF SOME SENSE OF PURE DEFIANCE, WOULD BE TO GET ON THE PHONE AND WARN HIM THAT HE IS BEING INVESTIGATED. It's how you treat the demands of criminals: you ignore them. The moral cowardice in this land is astounding.
I am angry that fellow comedians steal from me. Not material, but approaches or aesthetics. How I approach something, how I engage a topic. It's not exactly theft, but other comedians derive value from watching me. They then apply to their own work what they've seen me do. This has been going on for several years. I make it safe to cover material. I cut a trail through the underbrush and get all scratched up. Everyone else comes in behind me. Do you think I'd get something so simple as a sip from their canteens? Nope. Nothing.
I am not working in television for one simple reason: I have indicted the Beautiful People for their role in 9-11 and for their singularly disgusting, supremacist, chauvinistic beliefs that caused them to undertake that tactical error. Now Hymie Finkleman, TV executive, quite understandably, can't bear the thought of seeing my ugly face wandering around the halls of the office building, lest he be reminded of how his people ruined a perfectly functioning system of lawful government, completely oblivious to the dangers of authoritarian social systems, a sensitivity he would be expected to possess, what with the boxcars and ovens thing. Chris is the Nazi here, but, uh, he's the only one here who seems to despise Nazis.
Barring working in television --which will never occur; Jews are a very petty, unforgiving people-- I am angry that I am being denied my tailor-made revenue model: No one will buy their ticket.
I am angry that I am covering everyone's material for them. Jon Stewart, for example, ideally would be the comedian covering the material of how his people flew planes into the World Trade Center. Keith Olbermann, Newsman Extraordinaire, Mister Good Night and Good Luck himself, as if he were a journalist or something, ideally would be covering the material about how his producer's people flew planes into the World Trade Center. The New York Times, Printer of All the News that Fits Israel's Propaganda Model, should be playing Fourth Estate for once and explaining to the country how Israeli intelligence came to play such an instrumental role in 9-11.
I am angry that, like the shark, the comedian must always move forward or he's dead. In five years of covering everyone material for them, of performing everyone's job for them, I have moved so far away from my original, simple goal of telling some fart jokes and finding love. Now I can't even date because I can't know if I'll turn up in some gulag somewhere. Who wants to get involved with someone who could be dead tomorrow? All gone, all is lost. SIX. FUCKIN'. YEARS. No closer; only farther. Covering everyone else's material has cost me every last thing and gotten me nothing. ALL COMPLETELY LOST. NOTHING WITHIN GRASP ANYMORE. GONE. EVERYTHING. GONE.
Everyone gets to move on and have cocktail parties and careers and romantic weekend getaways while Chris gets to rattle around the house with a .45 on his belt wondering what that noise is. "Wouldn't you know it: Turns out that during the Bush Administration, all the pieces were in place for a dictatorship and they had domestic death squads and everything." Really? You're finally fuckin' figuring this out? Welcome to reality, dumbass. So while everyone got to have hookups and their romantic weekend getaways in complete blissful ignorance of reality, Chris got to try to conduct his life in such a manner as not to get killed. (And if you can sleep at night, then --almost by definition-- you have no understanding of what is happening in this country.)
I am angry that I traveled to New York, bearing gifts, and not a single person could meet me at the train station. I gave the gifts to some homeless guy because I certainly was not going to cart them back to Vermont. I will never again set foot in New York.
I am angry that I have given EVERY LAST THING I POSSESSED in service to others, and I have gotten nothing in return. NOT EVEN A KIND WORD. A single kind word would have made it all okay.

I short, I am angered that so many extract from me the things that they think they can use for themselves, and leave me with nothing but the castoffs. And that is what I am left with: the stuff that no one else wants.

I seethe with rage because I have spent so much of my time and energy and money over the past six years, and gotten nothing in return. But it's not like I was a failure; I was quite successful; I built my audience.

But they won't FUCKIN' buy their FUCKIN' tickets.

That's the failure.

ALL FUCKIN GONE. ALL FUCKIN LOST.

"Mommy, why did Mister King stop telling jokes?"

2009-03-27T20:37:00.002-04:00

"Sweetheart, he just ran out of them, that's all. He could no longer tread water in the sea of misery in which he had chosen to work. He came to violate his Prime Directive; he came to harm those he loved the most: his own audience. He fizz-led and-popped; he ratt-led and-knocked... He turned down the lights, went into the cellar, and powered down --to wait for the man who fixes things, 'chawt-thah... chawt-thah...' "

Fin.

More on that MIAC report.

2009-03-27T08:49:00.003-04:00

Earlier this month, Missouri governor Jay Nixon went public with his support of the report. On March March 26, Nixon did an abrupt turn-around and distanced himself from the report. “I was not governor when the MIAC was formed,” Nixon said. “I was not governor, I did not hire any of the people there and nobody in my administration — the director of public safety — saw this stuff before it went out,” reports Prime Buzz. “Under a previous system, MIAC would prepare and distribute these reports to law enforcement agencies without review or approval from the colonel of the Highway Patrol or the director of Public Safety,” Nixon said. “That’s simply not acceptable.”

http://www.prisonplanet.com/missouri-state-police-orders-halt-to-miac-report-distribution.html

I am willing to bet that most of that MIAC report came from the Southern Poverty Law Center and the Anti-Defamation League. I will not provide proof here as it is not my job to spoon-feed my audience, but I will tell you that the ADL is the American branch of Israeli intelligence. The ADL has several functions, including spying on Americans and running psyops. Everything out of the ADL is a lie. You need to know that. The ADL, SPLC, and the Simon Wiesenthal Center are disinformation departments within the Hive Mind. You will recall that Mark Weitzman of the SWC equated Arthitects and Engineers for 9/11 Truth with Muslim jihadists during some presentation to a Congressional committee or whatever.

One of the unfortunate post-9/11 realities with which we must reconcile ourselves is that where you find Jews congregating, you will find criminal activity. Jews are thieves and liars. It's in their religion. They regard the property of a gentile to be their own. They regard gentiles as subhuman. (Are you a Jew but you don't hold these beliefs? Then you're not much of a Jew, are you? Why not dissociate yourself from those disgusting beliefs and just convert? The decent peoples of the world would be happy to have you. We, after all, do not believe in frying the Lesser Brethren in some pagan sacrifice to Moloch.)

You need to understand that the steering commitee within the Hive Mind are religiously sworn to destroy all gentile nations and, in particular, Christian nations. They involve themselves in banking for the purpose of gaining control over governments, and they are in complete control of the United States government. They ran the country into the ground and drained its treasury dry. It's what they do. Jews defile things.

A Jew's word means nothing. He operates from a substandard moral code contained within a barbaric, pagan religion. This moral code permits lying to, and stealing from, gentiles.

Judaism is filth, plain and simple. We know that now. 9-11 was the entrypoint into a complete examination of the Jewish Nation. Ew.

9-11 set Jews back fifteen hundred years. Jews are garbage.

And that's everyone else's fault, right?

Don't forget to keep an eye on United Sovereigns of America.

2009-03-27T06:05:00.003-04:00

It is my panarchic political union. It is what happens when lawlessness reigns. Reasonable men erect their own political structures for the purpose of defending their persons and property.

You will find my USov communications here: http://unitedsov.blogspot.com/

Things are different now. No federal or state law touches me, except for that which may be incorporated by USov into the PPU Interoperations Framework.

In the absence of any better legal analog, USov's relationship with other jurisdictions will adhere to the Law of Nations.

Any attempt at unlawful enlargement of jurisdiction will be regarded as an act of war. This will be fleshed out in greater detail in the PPU Interoperations Framework. But the quick translation of this is that all necessary force --up to and including lethal force-- will be used to repulse any action of any other jurisdiction that does not comport with the PPU Interoperations Framework. I will remind you that no other jurisdiction any longer possesses the moral claim to rule.

In short --and print this out and tape it somewhere you can see it-- any agent of any jurisdiction who attempts to execute anything other than a USov-approved arrest warrant against a USov member automatically dies. Any agent whose hand even brushes a pair of handcuffs on his belt will be immediately neutralized.

Power understands only one thing.

Yesterday is gone. This is what happens when no one follows the law: Decent men devise their own --and they defend it.

This is not playtime.

I wish no one any harm. I only intend to grow my jurisdiction and offer its blessings to those who wish to defend their property from the plunderings of criminals.

In my absence,

2009-03-27T05:27:00.003-04:00

you may rely on the following news sites to keep you abreast of reality:

Lew Rockwell
Prison Planet
Anti War

You read those three each day and you will be the most informed person in the room.

I also suggest Jeff Rense. Bless his heart, but his site is a little on the kookie side. (Advertisements for psychic pills, stories about UFO's, etc. For all I know, those things could be true; they're not my field of expertise. But psychic pills and UFO's are not central to what I am covering. Don't let them prejudice anything else on the site. I read Rense for the over-the-horizon, Distant Early Warning radar stuff. Things I read there may not develop meaning for several weeks or months until the rest of reality "catches up." The Hive Mind cannot stand him. I don't think he's a big fan of Zionist barbarians.

You will be in good hands with these four sites.

By my calculations, I have not smoked or had a drink in a week. It's done. The spell is broken. I feel good, I sleep my five hours and awake refreshed, I go for a walk in the morning, and I'm no longer stressed out all the time. I have my plans for my chicken coop and I've got my garden ready to go.

I get pissy sometimes, I know that. I lash out when I think that I am not getting my due. If ever I was overbroad in my lashings, I apologize.

I am taking a different path now. I will not read newspapers, I will not watch television, and I will not use the internet. If you have a show or a column, I apologize: I will not see it ever again.

Please be well. And remember: Each of you, without exception, is a beautiful being of light. Conduct yourselves accordingly.

Just a reminder.

2009-03-26T21:15:00.002-04:00

Get what you want from any blogspot or typepad blogs. I will probably delete those soon.

I will post occasionally on USov matters at http://unitedsov.blogspot.com/

I did some thinking today at work. Stand-up is not compatible with things going on in my life right now. It's been fun, but in my opinion it's gone on for five years too long.

For any hardcore fans, keep an eye on my ckpi twitter feed. If I have any news (which I probably will not) I will post it there.

I am going dormant. I will reactivate if anyone expresses any interest. Otherwise we'll just call it a fun but boring experiment.

I am still awaiting a call from my agent.

2009-03-26T09:13:00.004-04:00

...whoever that may be, assuming that there are any in my audience with balls enough for the job.

This is what stand-up is, folks. I'm sorry that it took a non-comedian to show us all how it's done.

Is it my fault that we've gotten away with selling picture of comedy for so long?

If there are no comedians in the house able to withstand the rigors of representing stand-up, then give the job to a newsman. I'm far more closely related to journalists than I am to comedians anyway.

This is why I hate doing this material.

2009-03-25T21:40:00.002-04:00

Now I have to see one of my favorite commentators on TV --who is Jewish-- and I know that he will read my material --assuming that he is in my mathematically derived audience, which he would be-- and it will make him feel bad to read what I had to say.

I do not like this job, and I would beg everyone's understanding as I try to figure out how to do it. I don't like to make people feel bad as they speak, knowing that I am looking at them through that TV camera.

This is all extremely fascinating, but, alas, ultimately irrelevant.

2009-03-25T21:03:00.002-04:00

FBI Director Robert S. Mueller III today urged lawmakers to move swiftly to renew intelligence-gathering measures set to expire in December, calling them "exceptional" tools to help protect national security.

Mueller told members of the Senate Judiciary Committee that he hoped that the reauthorization of two provisions contained in the Patriot Act would be far less "controversial" than in previous years. During the Bush administration, the law drove a wedge between investigators seeking to detect terrorist threats and advocates warning that it trampled on Americans' civil liberties.

In response to a question from Sen. Ben Cardin (D-Md.), Mueller said that his agents had used a provision that helped authorities secure access to business records about 220 times between 2004 and 2007. Data for last year was not yet available, Mueller said.

The measure, known as section 215 after its location in the Patriot Act, has been criticized by the American Civil Liberties Union as allegedly violating the First Amendment rights of U.S. citizens. It allows investigators probing terrorism to seek a suspect's records from third parties such as financial services, travel and telephone companies without notifying the suspect.

"It has been exceptionally helpful in our national security investigations," the FBI director said.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/03/25/AR2009032501862_pf.html

I know it takes "respectable" types some number of years to catch up to the "kooks" of the world --in embracing, for example, the weirdo ideas that invisible creatures called "microbes" under the dirty fingernails of surgeons cause disease; that defecating into the town water supply is not a good idea; and that buildings don't just blow up and fall down like that-- but there is great power in wielding the truth.

The truth has magical powers. It just lets you cut a swath through entire arguments. It's a trump card:

"I see that you want the Patriot Act renewed. I don't see how it will protect me from the compartmentalized elements of the CIA, Mossad, and the Pentagon who flew planes into the World Trade Center. What say ye? Nothing? Alright, then; let's break for lunch."

Ninety-five percent of the blather I see on TV and in the newspapers has ZERO MEANING WHATSOEVER when it is regarded in light of THE FACT THAT 9-11 was executed by bankers, not brown people. "Yes, we've been talking for the past eight years as if we had fingered the right guy. Turns out that we had the wrong guy and the policies are completely backwards, but we'll just continue playing the same old tune."

And the newspaper people moan about their job security. Well, it is as if FULLY NINETY-FIVE PERCENT of the paper were just white space; it's all cockamamie talk predicated upon a BS story that CANNOT POSSIBLY BE TRUE AS IT DOES NOT COMPORT WITH THE LAWS OF PHYSICS.

The mantra you need to remember is this:

BANKERS, NOT BROWN PEOPLE.

Your every woe stems from the actions of bankers. Brown people are not even on your radar.

And you people need to fix this issue fast. This police state that has been constructed around you was constructed for the purpose of killing you when you find out who destroyed your country. "No, Chris, you're so silly; if it turns out that you're right, we'll just vote them out. We have plenty of time."

No you don't. You don't vote occupation forces out of office. It doesn't work that way.

This is one of those things that magically disappears with a proper application of "Semite-B-Gone."

2009-03-25T20:19:00.002-04:00

The latest cartoon by the most widely syndicated political cartoonist in the world has raised the ire of the Anti-Defamation League (ADL), which is dedicated to fighting anti-Semitism.

The ADL's director called the syndicated cartoon, published Wednesday and reprinted below, "hideously anti-Semitic."

"Pat Oliphant's outlandish and offensive use of the Star of David in combination with Nazi-like imagery is hideously anti-Semitic," Abraham Foxman said in a statement released Wednesday. "It employs Nazi imagery by portraying Israel as a jack-booted, goose-stepping headless apparition. The implication is of an Israeli policy without a head or a heart."

http://rawstory.com/news/2008/Oliphant_IsraelGaza_cartoon_called_hideously_antiSemitic_0325.html

The word "anti-semite" is a linguistic warfare term. What that means is that you create a word, jam-pack it full of emotional meaning, then apply it to a political opponent.

To prove that, I would ask you: Is it possible to legitimately criticize a Jew without qualifying as anti-semitic? (And by the way, what year is this, 1985? The word has been played out for years.)

I will tell you that these Orthodox nutjobs (who truly, honestly believe non-Jews to be subhuman) would believe any criticism to be anti-semitic. Jews live in a dreamworld where Esau hates Jacob because he has nothing else to do.

Jews live in a dreamworld constructed by rabbis who inculcate in them some singularly asinine beliefs, such as:

Everyone hates Jews. Esau hates Jacob.
Jews are the chosen people.

These beliefs are inculcated in the young for the purpose of enlisting them in the Jewish Drone Army, those who will do all that is required of them for the Hive Mind, the Jewish Nation. And should anyone point out that their behavior really isn't all that cool, it's okay to disregard the complaints of those filthy goyim because Esau hates Jacob, remember? Isn't it convenient that it's a built-in part of the religion that people just hate you for no reason?

I've been staying out of this debate about Gaza because I truly am trying to move on to other material. I don't like sounding like a broken record.

But I will tell you, what with the shooting of old women and little children in the head and the phosphorus bombs and the shit in the beds, and the use of children as human shields, Israelis are conducting themselves like pure animals.

And where the "anti-semite" advertising slogan ultimately proves short-sighted is that Jews come to believe their own marketing that if someone calls them out on bad behavior, it's only because Esau hates Jacob and that the complaint may be ignored. ...all the while the behavior racks up and the karmic debts increase.

Do not engage Jews. They are the victims of successive layers of death-based, pagan programming. They are mentally ill. They sacrifice their weak and elderly in pagan ceremonies to their egregore god and then blame it all on everyone else. They think they're better than everyone else. They flew planes into the World Trade Center.

Any Jew that you see roaming around is likely very ill and belongs in a mental hospital. If he knew the slightest bit of Jewish history --especially about the rabbis' instigation of the Shoah-- his mind would implode. He would have no identity. He would recognize himself not as a victim, but as the aggressor.

Judaism is a failed religion. It has brought nothing but misery to any who had the misfortune of experiencing it.

Judaism is an illness.

At some point I'm just going to have to apologize to my audience for my own failures.

2009-03-25T14:13:00.002-04:00

It is nigh impossible to carry on in some comedic fashion in today's environment. It's like trying to run a day-care center in a slaughterhouse. The environs are just not [long, long, sigh] well suited to the task.

"Be funny, be funny, be funny," I say in the morning. But by the afternoon I start lazily fantasizing about being a serial killer. Like one of the guys I see in those crime novels. "What did it? What caused Chris to turn from a promising, lucrative, diamonds-and-champagne comedy career and instead just start killing people?"

I do have professional standards, you know. And I want you to know that even though I am not getting my ticket receipts --which I am severely, severely pissed off about, by the way-- I will strive to keep it upbeat and fun.

Newsflash: It's because you're not relevant.

2009-03-25T13:06:00.002-04:00

While President Obama took great pains to call on reporters from ethnic and foreign news establishments at Tuesday's press conference, the president didn't call on a single major US newspaper.

As once mighty Grey Ladies across the country are ceasing publication or cutting their print editions entirely to publish only online, the president's decision to not call on any of the country's most respected papers raises the question of whether anyone, outside of print reporters, truly cares about the continued demise of newspapers.

http://rawstory.com/news/2008/As_newspaper_revenues_plummet_Obama_slights_0325.html

And didn't he snub you at some recent Gridiron dinner? Y'all hobnob and glad-hand each other into thinking you're part of the power structure? You're not.

What do you think happens when you leave the really big stories like, oh, say, 9-11, to the guys who have to teach themselves how to be journalists and who sometimes, yes, use the wrong words?

The nation was attacked, it was conquered, and it is now being dismembered by the bankers who commissioned 9-11. ("Huh?" Exactly. Now tell me why you are in any manner qualified to analyze modern politics? "But we can't say it was Israelis; Israelis are Jews. And if we say anything bad about Jews, that makes people think that we want to cook them right up and eat them." Exactly. Do you see the value of linguistic warfare now? Lesson learned: We should leave news to intelligence specialists, not journalists. Tears mean nothing to intelligence types.)

All this happened on your watch, during which watch you claimed to be some kind of "fourth estate" or something.

If you are an American journalist, you need to come to grips with the fact that your industry is dead. You will lose your job soon. That will be a good thing. Why? Not only do you do nothing, but you represent yourselves as doing something, which means that the news consumer takes your word for it that all is well in the world.

The American news consumer has had to rely on domestic intelligence analysts and foreign news sources for information.

Ahem:

WE HAVE TO GO OVERSEAS TO GET DECENT AMERICAN NEWS.

Please go out of business as soon as possible. You're just consuming resources.

Good morning, my Little Dream Children.

2009-03-25T08:32:00.002-04:00

How are you all today?

I see that we've not yet reached a decision regarding my ticket receipts. Have I not contributed to your understanding of events? Have I not caused the scales to fall from your eyes? Do I not perform some useful function in your life? Why, if it were not for me, you'd probably think that cavemen possessed the magical ability to remove center columns from towers using only their minds! That way, when the planes flew right into that abortion of yours, the buildings could blow up and fall down, just like the NIST report said --the report that conveniently neglected to make any mention of the center columns, the ones that got mathematically removed from the model, the columns that held the buildings up, the columns that the terriss made disappear using only their psychic powers when they flew their Flight Termination System-equipped planes into your friends' boardroom meetings. (Imagine looking up to see that!)

You'd probably still think that it wasn't Israel that did it.

And you'd probably still think that they don't fry themselves now and again. And then moan and groan their way right over to the cash register. (It's just business. It's gotta be someone's shtick. They just drew the short straw, is all.)

See? Don't I advance the class concensus here? Don't I deserve even a morsel that I may clutch to my filthy breast and over which I may snarl in the corner? With all the finery and the top hats and the canes and the proper breeding, you'd think my audience would not permit their servants to dress in rags.

You know your society was conquered, right? (Turns out that USA is not #1; USA wasn't even in the running. It was fake, like a car commercial, like a big shiny truck bounding over rocks and then everyone meets up at the mountain lodge and wipes sweat from their brows. But it's just pretend. Like America.) A good portion of you will be starved to death, some will languish in torture chambers, and your children will be enslaved in service to Lucifer. Your future precisely resembles the inside of a Nazi concentration camp. That is not hyperbole.

Did you learn about all this over the past fifteen years while you were doing your abdominizer and texting for hookups and laughing at cocktail parties? No, I don't suppose you did.

So why don't you be quiet now and let the informed among us speak.

And why don't you make yourself useful and figure out how I can feed myself by speaking to you. Why don't you figure out how USA can be #1, how America can be the land of the free and the home of the brave, how the gutless wonders in my audience can avoid quaking in their shoes at the prospect of buying their tickets to a stand-up comedy show.

America has fallen so very far, hasn't she?

So is that something that you can do while I figure out how to explain how you might prevent being murdered and enslaved and debased as the subhuman garbage that your conquerors regard you as?

Hmm?

Dream Children?

In addition to being an Asperger's Sufferer(R), I am now a Shingles Survivor(R).

2009-03-24T18:02:00.003-04:00

So I am doubly worthy of your forbearance. Not only are my utterances revolting, but my countenance is, now, too. My face is horribly disfigured with some revivified chicken pox virus. The oozing pustules and lesions are enough to frighten anyone away. My right eye verily seems constructed of blood and pus. I fear I shall be permanently scarred, much like my psyche already is. I have taken to effecting a hunchback pose by stuffing towels under the shoulders of my coat and lurching around.

See? I told you that I needed those new Glamour Shots. (The ones with the football or other sports object and the full erection.) Now it's too late. A once-beautiful flower, now the town hunchback, skulking from alleyway to pier.

It is spring now.

2009-03-24T17:58:00.000-04:00

I am pleased to note,

2009-03-24T17:31:00.002-04:00

that I have not drunk, I have not smoked, and I have not posted in three days.

Didn't I say that 2009 was going to be the year that good things happen for me?

These are youth brigades.

2009-03-21T00:39:00.002-04:00

NPR.org, March 19, 2009 · Tens of thousands of Americans could see more opportunities to mentor children, help rebuild homes and participate in other national service under a measure passed by the House.
The House voted 321-105 Wednesday to expand AmeriCorps and other national service programs by 175,000 participants. The measure also would create new groups to help poor communities with education, clean energy, health and services for veterans.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=102113441

I don't care what you think about them now, I don't care how the idea is being sold, I am telling you that these are Nazi-style youth brigades. How do I know? I know this because bankers like youth brigades; they are an efficient means of mobilizing the fittest of the population, the segment of the population with the least invested in the status quo, those who will be most willing to overthrow it.

Should you choose to investigate the matter, you will find that the bankers who commissioned 9-11 are the very same bankers who installed Adolf Hitler as their nation's Avenging Angel. I have not yet completed my Master's thesis on the Jewish Nation, but I will tell you that communism and Nazism are the preferred Jewish business model. Don't let them fool you. They involve themselves in banking for the purpose of influencing civil authority. They always work through civil authority.

That is not a cross word. It is a diagnosis.

The young people in these corps will be snitching on you, they will be seizing your arms, and they will oversee the internment camps.

You are erecting your very own Nazi state.

What can you expect? Well, what did we see during the Nazi regime in Germany? You can expect a great deal of cleansings for the sin of rejecting the authority of the Talmud.

This man needs to be removed from office immediately.

2009-03-21T00:26:00.002-04:00

Missouri Governor Jay Nixon has defended a report issued by the Missouri Information Analysis Center that smears Ron Paul supporters, people who have knowledge of the U.S. Constitution, and people who display political bumper stickers as potential domestic terrorists.

As we revealed in our exclusive report last week, a leaked secret report distributed by the federal Missouri Information Analysis Center lists Ron Paul supporters, libertarians, people who display bumper stickers, people who own gold, or even people who fly a U.S. flag and equates them with radical race hate groups and terrorists.

The MIAC report specifically describes supporters of presidential candidates Ron Paul, Chuck Baldwin, and Bob Barr as “militia” influenced terrorists and instructs the Missouri police to be on the lookout for supporters displaying bumper stickers and other paraphernalia associated with the Constitutional, Campaign for Liberty, and Libertarian parties.

http://www.prisonplanet.com/missouri-governor-stands-behind-miac-smear-report.html

You will recall that the document in question equates with terrorists those who advocate an adherence to the US Constitution. So, yes, it really does boil down to the nonsensical proposition that advocating following the law is against the law.

There is only one group of persons to whom following fundamental law is a threat: those who need to break fundamental law.

I don't know where this document originated. The Pentagon maybe, or the CIA or Homeland Security.

Mister Nixon has cast his lot. He works for those who are subverting the law. He himself is subverting the law.

He is way at the bottom of the food chain, but Mister Nixon works for the bankers who commissioned 9-11. They needed lawful government gone like yesterday.

Not too bright, though.

2009-03-20T23:59:00.002-04:00

It's always a matter of faith, isn't it?

It can never be easy, can it?

I'm changing the title of this show.

2009-03-20T23:52:00.002-04:00

I don't like how it's going already. It's too depressing. It's not where I want to be going.

I will keep the URL for the show, but I'll just re-title it. It's new name is:

He Came from a Nonstruct Region to Save the World,
Even Though No One Would Buy a Ticket or Anything.
His Secret Reserves of Energy Were Positively Otherworldly.

Why does this person even exist?

2009-03-20T12:17:00.002-04:00

The Republican's Working Man hero Joe the Plumber could barely contain himself last night before a crowd of adoring, media-bashing conservatives.

"God, all this love and everything in the room - I'm horny," declared Joe, whose real name is Samuel Wurzelbacher.

The particular state of his libido was way too much information, certainly for the Sleuth. But she wasn't the only slack-jawed person in the room.

It seemed that all of those who were gathered in the ballroom of Washington's Grand Hyatt hotel for the Media Research Center's annual "DisHonors Awards" ceremony designed to bash the dreaded liberal elite media were stunned. Buzz immediately commenced.

"Did Joe the Plumber really just say he's horny?" "Did you hear Joe say 'horny'?" "Why is he horny and why is he telling us?"

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/sleuth/2009/03/_the_republicans_working_man.html

I'm not the type to begrudge anyone his boondoggle; good for him. But WHAT THE EFF does it take to get a gig around here?

Is that the secret? You have to make sure that you say absolutely nothing of any consequence? Do I have to wear acid-washed jeans?

Mister President,

2009-03-20T03:38:00.002-04:00

I want you to know that I'm in your corner on this. I know how to deal with these things.

I don't have the transcript in front of me, but I understand that you may have said something a bit untoward during your taping of Leno yesterday, on the topic of your bowling a 125 at the White House bowling alley. If my producer's accounting of events is correct, you said, "and those stupid retards at Special Olympics couldn't have bowled any better. I mean, who are they? They should be eaten anyway. Get rid of 'em." And then you stood up and flapped your arms and kicked up your heels and made boopie-boopie-boop noises and made like you were all mentally retarded or something.

I want you to know that stuff comes out sometimes. It's all part of workin' a loosey-goosey style. Don't beat yourself up.

The secret to getting yourself out of that mess is to immediately commit an even greater sin. Start throwin' around racial epithets and cursing at the people at the press briefing. Say the eff-word. Pretty soon no one will recall exactly why they're angry at you and everyone just goes home confused. Begin next news cycle.

We need to discuss a few things.

2009-03-19T04:51:00.002-04:00

First, let's recap:

I have carried on this blog-based show for four years now. At no time has anyone ever mentioned it to me. No one writes, no one emails, no one calls. When I visited Orlando and tried to gather some intelligence, no one professed to have any knowledge of it.

My audience numbers somewhere between zero and ten thousand. I can't know. No one will speak to me. No one has ever spoken to me.

I have been forced to try to divine my surroundings as if I were a blind man, feeling around in the dark to locate the perimeter and the furnishings of a room. Or, more precisely, by echolocation: like the blind man tossing pebbles in various directions to hear where they strike within that room. And if he hears someone say "ouch," he knows that someone is there.

I have only been able to infer the size and composition of my audience. I have no conclusive proof.

In one of my earlier incarnations, after I wanted to be a constitutional scholar but before I wanted to be a stand-up comedian, I thought I might like to be an electronics engineer: the guy who designs your Ipod or your microwave oven.

Toward that end, I took some digital design classes. In these classes, one learns how to take all the various integrated circuits --or "chips," as the layman calls them-- and make an Ipod or a TV. You thumb through the catalog of all the ICs from the various manufacturers, find one that does what you need, look at the specs for the IC, and then design your circuit to accommodate it.

Let's say that we're using TTL circuits --"transistor to transistor" logic levels, operating at zero and five volts. A logic zero is represented by zero volts, and a logic one is represented by five volts. This is how chips talk to one another, by voltages communicated along those thin wire leads on a circuit board. Everything within a digital device like an Ipod is represented by a zero or a one.

In practice, these TTL circuits will tolerate some messiness in what constitutes a zero or a one; a zero can be anything from zero volts to, say, 1.2 volts, and a one can be anything from five volts down to 3.8 volts. You will know the tolerance of the IC by looking at the specs in the catalog.

As the zero or the one "moves" along the wire traces on the circuit board, those voltage levels may change due to any number of considerations: resistance along the wire, or maybe a voltage could be induced in the lead by some nearby component on the circuit board --a transformer, say.

The engineer has to be aware of these things and he must design his circuit properly. If he is remiss, his circuit will cause the zeroes and ones to take on voltage levels that fall outside the permissible range, from zero volts up to 1.2 volts for a zero, and from five volts down to 3.8 volts for a one. Anything that falls within this unacceptable range of 1.2 to 3.8 volts is said to be in the "zone of uncertainty."

If a chip receives a communication from another chip where ones or zeroes fall within this uncertainty zone, that chip will not know what to do with it. But it will do something with it; it will randomly interpret it as a one or a zero. There's no telling. When electronic devices make mistakes, it's generally not because of component failure; it's because the engineer has permitted uncertainty zones within his circuit. Cheap electronics at Best Buy are cheap for a reason; the manufacturer is trying to fob some poorly designed device off at whatever price it will fetch.

For the past four years, I have been performing exclusively inside a zone of uncertainty. One day I'm convinced that I have an audience, and the next day my friends are helpfully reassuring me that I'm just crazy. It is not reasonable, after all, to believe that people on TV are talking to you. And for every inferred data point that would seem to buttress my belief that I have an audience, there is another to weigh against it; "Ah! There's an echo! Proof!" But then on the street, no one will talk to me, I can't get arrested, I can't get killed, and I'm a complete non-person. It's like I don't exist. No one over the past four years has ever even acknowledged my existence.

It is extremely emotionally disturbing to me to exist inside a zone of uncertainty because I CANNOT KNOW HOW TO PROCEED. I cannot know how to interpret the information. My interpretation of that information will be wrong as often as it is right.

So if ever I have disappointed my audience, it is because I am denied valid information. I can't know what you want. Whose fault is that? I exist to perform my function. I exist to please people. But I don't read minds.

Living inside an uncertainty zone is bothersome to me because then my mind starts to conjure its own reality, like the mind of the man in a sensory-deprivation tank. I exist inside a solitary-confinement cell. I am going crazy by lack of communion with other humans.

I have begged for something as simple as a phone call or a cheap paper note that I can put on the nightstand that says "Someone is here." And no one will do this.

I don't understand why. If you people think it's funny, it's not. I don't know what your game is, but I don't care for it. It is bothersome to me and it is affecting my emotional and physical health. I will tell you that I have been pedal-to-the-metal for five years now and I am very tired. My "health meter" is flashing red. I need to do something different in order to recharge my batteries. I will not permit my batteries to completely discharge.

I will remove myself from this zone of uncertainty one way or another. Either I will stop this asinine undertaking and get on with my life or you will start buying your tickets so that I can put on a proper show. If you do not buy your tickets, I will stop. My health depends on it. But it would be the tragedy of the century for me to stop if, indeed, it turns out that I had an audience after all and that success was within my grasp. I do not want to have wasted five years, but then I do not want to continue if no one is watching.

This show is not free. This is not some blog about my Furby collection or how I had such a rad time at the mall with my friends. This is the professional undertaking of a professional comedian. That it may be delivered by way of the internet in no way implies that it is free. If you are reading this, that means that you have entered my theater, you have taken a seat, and you are partaking of my services. You are obligated to buy your ticket. That ticket is one hundred dollars per person, per year.

If you are reading this, you are obligated to compensate the performer for his efforts. NO ONE GETS A FREE TICKET. Are you in the news media? You still have to buy your ticket. This is not "news." This is a stand-up comedy show. Are you in the Justice Department, investigating me? That's nice; I planned it that way. It's called "assembling an audience." It's what you do when you put on a show. That you were conned into entering my theater is part of the show. You still are obligated to buy your ticket.

THERE ARE NO COMP PASSES TO THIS SHOW. If you think you are entitled to a comp pass, you are not. I do not give out comp passes, except in the instance where an approved person is there to review the show. I have not delivered a comp pass to anyone who may review the show.

EACH AND EVERY LAST PERSON READING THIS, FOR WHATEVER REASON HE MAY BE HERE, WHETHER HE BE FOREIGN OR DOMESTIC, IS OBLIGATED TO BUY HIS TICKET.

You don't get too many chances in life. I'm on my last chance. I'm forty-one and I have failed at every last thing I ever attempted. ...except maybe for this. If this doesn't work out, there's nothing left. That's it.

Despite the helpful assurances of my friends, I trust my echolocation. I am not crazy. I know full well that you people are there. YOU ARE OBLIGATED TO BUY YOUR TICKET, EACH AND EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU. You are seated in a physical theater, watching me walk around on a wooden stage. There is an usher coming around with a brass plate, into which YOU WILL place your hundred dollars. Got that? And if you have been here for two years, then you owe me $120. (Last year's price was twenty dollars.)

And you are paying for services already rendered. You pay when you enter the theater, but you get no refunds should I ever decide to stop for whatever reason. (I expect to be doing this for some time, so you have no concerns about being stiffed. But I want no logistical worries should I ever need or want to stop.)

I need those ticket receipts for a few reasons: I need to pay my bills, I need to remove myself from that emotionally disturbing zone of uncertainty, and I need to finance a video-based show. I am not asking for anything that isn't already mine. I am perfectly capable of having my comedy career outside normal channels. As a matter of fact, the comedy I do cannot occur within normal channels. It can't be advertiser-supported. It can only occur by ticket sales.

I can discern only one reason why people are not buying their tickets: the Government Man has wet his pants. I don't care. What the Government Man thinks is of zero consequence to me. I didn't fly planes into the World Trade Center. I didn't mail any anthrax. I didn't rape any little girls and boys in some hellhole gulag.

The Government Man did.

What the Government Man thinks means nothing to me. I completely ignore him.

If you are the Government Man, I want you to have a little sense of shame and at least recognize that it is not I who has acted unlawfully here. I want you to have the shame sufficient to remove me from your various lists. I need my audience to feel comfortable buying their tickets.

I have the jester's license. The jester has permission to speak as he may because he is the least among us. And should one of his betters take issue with his speech, then that means that one of his betters can't handle it. That is the essence of the license. Should one object to the license, he is perfectly welcome to leave the theater. This isn't a concentration camp. One is free to leave at any time.

We may logically propose that if the jester has a license to speak, then he has a license to earn a living so that he might speak. He has a license to feed himself.

Should one object to the jester's feeding himself, then one necessarily objects to the license itself. ...in which case he is obligated to leave the theater.

If one remains in my theater, he obviously respects my license to speak. If he respects my license to speak, he must then respect my license to eat.

If you, Government Man, remain in my theater, then you implicitly agree that I may feed myself. You will not stand in the way of my audience buying their tickets. Do you understand me?

You have only two choices: Leave the theater, or permit the purchasing of tickets. There are no other options.

Now, I understand that people may feel uncomfortable sending money to some guy who is saying things that could land him --and any financial associates-- in some foreign hellhole gulag. (I'm sorry that the Government Man reserves that right to himself. Again, none of my doing.)

So let's structure this in some way that is acceptable to all parties. Let's make this as legit as possible.

I propose working through an agent. I propose that this agent confer with the Government Man in devising some legally acceptable system. And I propose that I be represented by legal counsel.

I would like my agent to be Jon Stewart. I get him already. And I think he gets me. I'm completely down with his sense of humor. And when I rolled out my cucka joke wagon I kept an eye on how he did things on his side of the street and I modeled myself after him; I studied how he slathered his essence on a bun and sold it to whatever unsuspecting customer may happen by. And hopefully he can forgive my admittedly intemperate remarks about, you know, his being a little bitch for blocking my TV show and how I'm the best and all. (You know how I am, and there's always bitching among comedians anyway. I regard it as nothing but some inherent messiness among comedians who are, almost by definition, screwed up in the head to begin with. It's amazing that we function as well as we do.)

So should you choose to accept the position, Mister Stewart, I would be honored to have you as my agent. Take whatever cut you feel is appropriate. Should the Borg Collective start causing you problems and you wish to decline, I understand perfectly. In that case, I would ask that you select an agent for me.

I would propose that my legal counsel be Patrick Leahy. Guess what, Leahy, you're working pro bono. I ask that you provide any assistance in talks between my agent and the Government Man.

Mister Obama, I would ask that you remove me from your various lists. Again, if you assent to my possession of the jester's license, then you assent to my license to feed myself. (And, further, if you assent to my possession of the license, then you assent to my having a personal life while I exercise that license. No harm may come to any business or personal associate.)

I really have very little interest in playing to the unwashed masses. I am quite content with the audience that I have, which I regard as the finest one could ask for. So I propose some kind of website that is password-protected, where the content is available only to my present audience, which is comprised of people in the fields of news, entertainment, government, and military. I'm perfectly happy with that.

So my agent confers with the Government Man and receives assurances that no legal harm will come to any who buy tickets from my authorized agent. My agent opens a bank account for the purpose and sends me a yearly check with my ticket receipts. I finance my video show. Problem solved.

So what say you all?

I need a check delivered as soon as possible. Spring is almost here and I want to recharge my batteries and get started on my show. Please send any communications or monies by UPS or FedEx to my home address at 10 Rockingham Post Road, Rockingham, Vermont 05101. My agent may call me at 802-463-2032.

Thank you.

Cuba is a veritable beacon of lawfulness and decency compared to the United States.

2009-03-18T18:12:00.002-04:00

Why the embargo? We should be emulating our neighbor to the south.

This nation is dead, its people are vile, disgusting, degenerate zombies, and America is in no way Number One in anything.

The United States is a rotted corpse just waiting to fall over.

The most asinine thing I ever catalogued here in 3-space was this utterance from some dumbass at the gas station two years ago:

"The terrorists hate us because we're number one."

He just blurted it out as he was eating a sandwich, uttered apropos of nothing at all, as if his little brain were trying to make sense of all the inconsistencies in the narrative that got sold like Axxe Body Spray by the TV Man. His atrophied pinhead brain seized upon it as the only plausible explanation for why cavemen would attack a military superpower.

I assume that even our sandwich-eating, dullard friend has come to realize that his abortion of a country no longer exists, much less is it Number One.

I sometimes feel embarrassment at being perceived as crazy. An acquaintance of mine (not friend) calls me "the least-normal person I have ever known." But then I remind myself that I am ORDERS OF MAGNITUDE more rational than 99% of the people in this country. If that's crazy, I'll take it.

There is nothing more satisfying in all the world than to watch the "sane" of society starve to death while the "crazy" among us get to gorge ourselves on our food stores and then inseminate their widows. The "crazy" of the world will spread their DNA far and wide.

"And the crazy shall inherit the earth."

Do you see what the lack of moral authority results in?

2009-03-18T18:02:00.002-04:00

You look like a joke.

US urges Cuba to free prisoners 'immediately'
The United States on Wednesday urged Cuba to free political prisoners immediately and to improve human rights on the communist-ruled island.

http://rawstory.com/news/afp/US_urges_Cuba_to_free_prisoners_imm_03182009.html

Tend to your own human-rights abuses, you Orcs.

(I bet they don't make their prisoners jerk off.)

Degenerate pigs.

Nigger.

2009-03-18T11:59:00.002-04:00

Oh, sure, sometimes I wonder if I'm going too far with the whole 'nigger' thing. But I don't mind. You do, after all, work for the very bankers who commissioned 9-11. You deserve nothing better. You're carrying on some kind of stage show. Sing and dance for your audience, nigger.

Prosecute those animals who ruined this nation's reputation. Fulfill your treaty obligations. The Red Cross --the arbiters of what does and does not constitute torture, and whose determination this nation is legally obligated to respect-- has judged that your savages committed torture.

Try and execute every last one of those animals. Give us our human sacrifice.

...before we take our own...

I was reminded last week that New York is a dead city.

2009-03-18T11:52:00.000-04:00

I could smell your friends' stink.

All hail Rabbi Schneerson and the Hive Mind.

2009-03-18T11:20:00.000-04:00

Things are free, right?

2009-03-17T21:35:00.002-04:00

DENVER (AP) — With backing from three entrepreneurs, staffers of the recently shuttered Rocky Mountain News plan to start an online news publication if they can get 50,000 paying subscribers by April 23 — what would have been the News' 150th anniversary.
The local venture, InDenverTimes.com, would go live on May 4 if backers meet their subscription goal.
The site would offer some news free, with advertising revenue footing part of the bill. Readers who buy subscriptions starting at $4.99 a month for a year's commitment would get extra features, including columns, interactive features, feeds to mobile devices and customizable content.

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5jUKFN5dgQ9zftjAOZ8ajWiedUkPgD96VC4080

Now add this one:

Thank you for your subscription pledge of 12 months - $59.88
($4.99/month).

We Look forward to bringing you the vision based on a 150 year tradition, beginning May 4, 2009.

IN DENVER TIMES

(An email I received.)

Do you know why I got this email? It's because I pledged to buy a subscription. (I will be charged when and if they can cobble together enough pledgers to make it a going concern.)

See? Not everyone's a loser who thinks that things are free. I fully expect to spend several hundred dollars per year --approaching a thousand dollars-- for quality intelligence.

Let's hope that their audience comes to believe that things are not free.

Note to INDenverTimes: Drop the he said/she said garbage. Give me intelligence. I have zero interest in someone's balanced counterpoint to intelligence. I want facts and analysis.

Nigger.

2009-03-16T10:09:00.002-04:00

Prosecute these animals.

US interrogators attached detainees to collars like dogs and used their leashes to slam them against walls, forced them to stand for days wearing only diapers, and tied detainees necks with towels and threw them against plywood walls, according to accounts in a secret 2007 report issued by the Red Cross to be printed in a New York magazine and leaked on Monday.

The report -- issued by the International Committee of the Red Cross and kept secret for the last two years -- is the first first-hand document to legally say the Bush Administration's harsh interrogation techniques "constituted torture." They strongly imply that CIA interrogators violated international law.

http://rawstory.com/news/2008/Its_official_Red_Cross_report_says_0316.html

P.S. Why would you deserve to be addressed as anything other than nigger? You have done nothing but lie to me and steal from me. Struttin' around, holding your pants up with one hand, lookin' for whatever isn't nailed down that you can steal.

So that's your new name. Nigger. You don't even warrant the extra breath spent on a "mister" or even a "hey."

If I want to talk to you, I'll just look at you and say nigger.

"You're a liar. You said that you loved me."

I do love you. And in some other arm of the galaxy, at some point in the future, I'd buy you a drink. You seem like a nice guy. But here, don't you ever come to believe that we're friends. The comedian has no friends and he has no enemies.

We are not friends. Not to mention that I will not be seen associating with those who run interference for torturers. If those men were under my command, they'd be tried and executed by now.

Essentially, your standards of behavior do not meet mine. I would have fulfilled my moral and legal obligations already.

You want to move on up to tha Eas' Side? Then act like you belong there.

My Own Reality

2009-03-16T09:34:00.000-04:00

Comfortably Numb

2009-03-16T06:30:00.001-04:00

I have generally not considered this central to what I am doing.

2009-03-16T06:09:00.001-04:00

But I find it fascinating.

Mister Obama, what passport did you possess when you traveled to Pakistan in 1981?

And what would your possession of that passport mean?

And what would that mean?

It's a wondrous world we live in, isn't it?

Wow. It sure would be nice if Antiwar.com would give attribution when stealing material.

2009-03-16T05:48:00.000-04:00

The State of Missouri Information Analysis Center recently issued a no-longer-secret report on domestic terrorism.

The Feb. 20 report called “The Modern Militia Movement” specifically identifies people who “display Campaign for Liberty, Constitution Party, or Libertarian material. These members are usually supporters of former Presidential candidate: Ron Paul, Chuck Baldwin, and Bob Barr.”

The report identifies red flags that can identify potential domestic terrorists:

* Bumper stickers for third-party candiates like Ron Paul
* Talk of “New World Order” conspiracy theories
* Opposition to the Federal Reserve and support of the gold standard
* Opposition to US Army takeover of Homeland Security
* Opposition to the North American Union
* Opposition to universal military service
* Tax resistance
* Possession of subversive literature: “pictures, cartoons, bumper stickers that contain anti-government rhetoric. Most of this material will depict the FRS, IRS, FBI, ATF, CIA, UN, Law Enforcement, and ‘New World Order’ in a derogatory manner.”

One of the examples shown is the Gadsden Flag (”Don’t Tread on Me”).

http://www.antiwar.com/blog/2009/03/15/if-you-are-reading-this-you-may-already-be-a-terrorist/

That story was broken by Alex Jones, to whom the report was mailed by some insider. Neither the AP nor Antiwar would have known about it were it not for the efforts of the journalists at Prisonplanet.

The Son of God v. the Avenging Angel

2009-03-15T12:56:00.000-04:00

"Chris, why is your brain turned to mush now?"

2009-03-14T19:28:00.000-04:00

"Why so matter-of-fact about everything? Why all the heavy drinking? Why do you rattle around the house and laugh and talk to yourself? Sheesh, it's like your brain has been turned to mush from being in a heightened state of fight-or-flight for five years. Oh, now I know why you deserve your ticket receipts: with legitimacy comes safety. You'd be a professional social commentator! Now I get it! And now I know why you think that every last journalist should be walking the bread line: Because if they don't live each and every day in fear of their very lives, then they're obviously not doing what is known in the industry as 'news!' I'm so glad that you've been doing everyone's job for five years and that your brain is shot because of it. Keep up the good work. We appreciate foresighted individuals like you. Now enjoy your Slim Jim wrapper at supper tonight."

Revelations that a political assassination unit which reported solely to Dick Cheney was in operation during the Bush administration are absent the fact that the unit in question, the Joint Special Operations Command, has been active for decades, has been deployed domestically in the U.S., has killed U.S. citizens, and is an integral part of Barack Obama’s expanded wars in Afghanistan and Pakistan.

Seymour Hersh dropped a bombshell when he told a University of Minnesota audience on Tuesday that the Joint Special Operations Command is, “An executive assassination ring essentially, and it’s been going on and on and on,” Hersh stated. “Under President Bush’s authority, they’ve been going into countries, not talking to the ambassador or the CIA station chief, and finding people on a list and executing them and leaving. That’s been going on, in the name of all of us.”
...

As we learn from the Global Security website, the Joint Special Operations Command in fact comprises mostly of Delta Force soldiers and SEALs. The unit was established in 1980 and is located at Pope Air Force Base, North Carolina and at nearby Fort Bragg.
The assassination unit was not a creation of the Bush administration or Dick Cheney, it has in fact been “involved in a number of covert military operations over the last two decades,” including the covert U.S. invasions of Panama and Granada, as well as search and rescue missions in Somalia, and searching for alleged war criminals in Yugoslavia.

...

It was also reported that Delta Force were involved in the largest ever single act of slaughter of civilians by law enforcement in US history - the 1993 siege on the Branch Davidian compound at Waco.

...

According to Global Security, Bill Clinton’s 1994 Presidential Decision Directive 25 “exempt(s) the Joint Special Operations Command from the Posse Comitatus Act of 1878 18USC Sec.1385, PL86-70, Sec. 17[d]. which makes it illegal for military and law enforcement to exercise jointly.”

The Joint Special Operations Command is a sub-unit of the United States Special Operations Command, which is described at the “Department of Defense’s front man in the global war on terrorism”. A New York Times article from last year reported that the Joint Special Operations Command were conducting ground raids in Pakistan supposedly aimed at hunting “Al-Qaeda members”. Such raids have only increased since Obama came to power.
Once again, the corporate media has completely fudged the most prescient issue arising out of Hersh’s revelation, which is the fact that the Joint Special Operations Command (mainly comprising of Delta Force) was not merely the brainchild or personal political assassination wing for Dick Cheney, but it has been in operation for decades, including inside the United States, has been involved in the murder of U.S. citizens, and is an integral part of Barack Obama’s expansion of the so-called war on terror.

http://www.prisonplanet.com/cheney-assassination-unit-still-active-under-obama-including-domestically.html

Don't you have better things to do?

2009-03-14T11:54:00.000-04:00

US President Barack Obama, citing an existing health "hazard," announced Saturday the creation of a special interagency panel on food safety, arguing that the status quo was "unacceptable."

He also appointed Margaret Hamburg, an expert in bioterrorism, to lead the Food and Drug Administration, the agency in charge of securing the nation's food supply.

The Food Safety Working Group, chaired by the secretaries of health and human services and agriculture, will coordinate US government activities aimed upgrading and enforcing food safety laws, the White House said.

"I expect this group to report back to me with recommendations as soon as possible," Obvama said in his weekly radio address. "In the end, food safety is something I take seriously, not just as your president, but as a parent."

http://rawstory.com/news/2008/Obama_Food_safety_provisions_unacceptable_0314.html

My rights are my property. Barack Obama has busied himself with nothing else over his short term in office but stealing my property.

And I've seen that proposed list of banned weapons, as well as Holder's legal rationale for it: That if a weapon has ever been used by the military or law enforcement, that such weapon was selected for its military usefulness and is, by definition, not a sporting gun. And since sporting guns are what is covered by the Second Amendment, then the people have no right to bear those military weapons.

The problem here is one assumption that Holder slipped into his argument: that the Second Amendment is to secure one's right to shoot clay pigeons.

That's not what it's there for. It is there so that fundamental law can be enforced. It is there so that the people may defend a lawful, republican form of government. It is there so that the populace --to whose benefit the government ostensibly operates-- may kneel people like Barack Obama and Eric Holder down on the ground and blow their fuckin' heads off.

Do you understand that, slave? The architects of this republican government had some experience with tyranny. (Something that you and your buddy Holder would be assumed to have some cultural knowledge of. The first gun-control statutes in this land were enacted after the Reconstruction, as a means of denying freed slaves the ability to defend themselves when the lynch mobs came a-callin'.)

The right to bear arms isn't about hunting squirrels. It's about hunting criminals. ...criminals just like you.

The Second Amendment is about ensuring that the people may never be disarmed of the weapons necessary to wash the streets in the blood of government agents. A cursory study of the "legislative history" of the Constitution would make that abundantly clear.

The Second Amendment is about killing you, Obama. It's so that should you start getting uppity and presuming to dictate the menu instead of working the kitchen --which is where the president belongs-- the people may track you down, string you up with your hands behind your back, and cut your dick off.

Is that clear enough for you, boy? Freedom trickles down slowly, but the fact remains that if it were not for the blessings of liberty won by ornery white men, you'd be toiling in a field with a chain around your neck.

Slavery is the natural state of mankind. Don't forget that. But once people like you have got your freedom, it just burns a hole in your pocket, doesn't it? You can't wait to give it away. Well, some of us know the value of liberty. And we don't want it stolen by people like you, to be sold to the highest bidder.

Killing government agents is a time-honored American tradition. It's cool. (Especially now, what with all the lawlessness goin' on. Killing people like you plays well.)

You can't even arrest the 9-11 perpetrators who infest Washington and New York. You claim the power to spirit people off to nowhere, never to be heard from again. And now you're going to sell me on the idea of controlling the food supply? ...First it's physical security, then it's the food supply. Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs...

Pray tell, Mister Obama, what are you up to? What control system might you be installing, all because you are so very, very concerned about the safety of my food?

Get your filthy hands out of my cupboard and get back in the stable, where you belong.

You are a mere president. Your job is to service my base needs --and then to return to whatever filthy hovel you came from.

I don't know what "progressive" ideas you came to embrace during your overlong stay in school. But if you're like most of the people whose brains were somehow able to tolerate that stultifying experience, you fancy yourself pretty smart.

Well, "progress" yourself right back into the fuckin' kitchen.

My liberty is my property. It's not some car stereo for you to steal that you can later fence at whatever pawn shop will pay the most for it.

Know your place, little man.

You people can't lose your jobs fast enough to suit me.

2009-03-13T20:37:00.000-04:00

The 20,000 journalism jobs lost in the past 18 months are flushing knowledge and experience out of American newsrooms, diminishing our lives and our democracy. The brain drain is exacting penalties that society may live to regret.

...

Veteran journalists are being pushed aside for beginning reporters without watchdog experience.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/russell-wild-and-margaret-engel/the-demise-of-investigati_b_174438.html

Watchdog. That's rich.

What's next, nigger, stealing hubcaps?

2009-03-13T07:35:00.000-04:00

Last September, the Bush administration defended the unusual secrecy over an anti-counterfeiting treaty being negotiated by the U.S. government, which some liberal groups worry could criminalize some peer-to-peer file sharing that infringes copyrights.

Now President Obama's White House has tightened the cloak of government secrecy still further, saying in a letter this week that a discussion draft of the Anti-Counterfeiting Trade Agreement and related materials are "classified in the interest of national security pursuant to Executive Order 12958."

http://news.cnet.com/8301-13578_3-10195547-38.html?part=rss&subj=news&tag=2547-1_3-0-5

Good little nigger boy. Serve your masters, nigger.

"OOoooh! Yassa! I's gets right on dat, massa! You wants yo's secret treateh? I's gets it fo' yuh!"

"Miss Preston, get me the Nigger in Chief, would you?"

2009-03-12T22:43:00.000-04:00

"Yes, Mister King, right away, sir. ...I have the Nigger in Chief on the line, Mister King."

I want you and your skeeve pervs out of my emails. I have not dated anyone since 1999. Listen up, nigger: YOU WILL STAY OUT OF MY PERSONAL LIFE. Got that, nigger? Don't fuck this up for me.

REMOVE ME FROM YOUR NIGGER PERV SKEEVE LISTS LIKE RIGHT NOW, NIGGER. Hop to, you little step-n-fetchit.

Where's that nigger?

2009-03-12T13:17:00.001-04:00

Hey, nigger: Get me off whatever nigger watch list I'm on. I need my audience to feel free to buy their tickets.

I have the jester's license, which means that I have license to speak. That means that I have license to eat so that I might live to speak. Not only are you required to sit your nigger ass in your seat, but you are required to allow my audience to buy their tickets.

Take me off your various nigger lists.

Audience: You are obligated to buy your ticket. Send one hundred dollars per person to me by UPS or FedEx to my house at:

10 Rockingham Post Rd
Rockingham, VT 05101

If you gutless wonders won't give me a job in TV, then you will at least buy your ticket.

I have no other means of supporting myself. You WILL buy your ticket.

You know the country is doomed when--

2009-03-12T12:18:00.000-04:00

advocating an adherence to the law is against the law.

Alex Jones has received a secret report distributed by the Missouri Information Analysis Center (MIAC) entitled “The Modern Militia Movement” and dated February 20, 2009. A footer on the document indicates it is “unclassified” but “law enforcement sensitive,” in other words not for public consumption. A copy of the report was sent to Jones by an anonymous Missouri police

...

The MIAC report specifically describes supporters of presidential candidates Ron Paul, Chuck Baldwin, and Bob Barr as “militia” influenced terrorists and instructs the Missouri police to be on the lookout for supporters displaying bumper stickers and other paraphernalia associated with the Constitutional, Campaign for Liberty, and Libertarian parties.

...

The MIAC report is similar to one created by the Phoenix Federal Bureau of Investigation and the Joint Terrorism Task Force during the Clinton administration (see page one and page two of the document). The FBI document explicitly designates “defenders” of the Constitution as “right-wing extremists.” The MIAC report expands significantly on the earlier document.

http://www.prisonplanet.com/secret-state-police-report-ron-paul-bob-barr-chuck-baldwin-libertarians-are-terrorists.html

Hey, nigger.

2009-03-12T12:08:00.000-04:00

You know your laws don't touch me, right? Niggers don't have jurisdiction over white people.

How did you ever make it through law school? It's no wonder you don't understand it very well: Niggers can't read.

And if George Bush could sit there and take his medicine,

2009-03-12T11:50:00.000-04:00

then you can take yours, nigger.

Stay in your seat, you filthy nigger. I've got the jester's license.

"Ooooh! I can'ts do nothin' about it! He gots da jestah's licenss!"

Barack Obama is the Nigger in Chief.

2009-03-12T11:40:00.000-04:00

He's in the country club because his masters need someone to clean the place. When they want something done, they say, "Here! Nigger in Chief! Go whip those slaves for us!"

And he sweeps an arc with his arm and he nods his understanding and carries out his assigned duty.

I suspect he would also make a fine informant in a concentration camp.

Give us a toothy smile, nigger.

See,

2009-03-12T11:20:00.001-04:00

there was a lot of hand-wringing after the election about how comedians would ridicule Barack Obama without seeming to come off as racist.

The obvious solution, then, is simply to be as racist as possible in your approach. That's the hook. He's a slave, with big fat red lips and big white teeth and he's eating watermelon all the time. And he wears rags and he obsequiously attends --although he wouldn't know such a big word, them's for white people-- he obsequiously attends to his masters' needs.

I just thought up a new joke.

2009-03-12T11:12:00.001-04:00

What's the difference between Barack Obama and a nigger?

Answer: Niggers don't sell out their own kind. They're not frauds. They're the real deal.

In short, niggers have more class.

On your knees, boy.

2009-03-12T11:05:00.000-04:00

Suckle on your master's life-giving organ. Coax it of its earthly riches.

Now clean yourself up. ...because I certainly don't have the custodial staff.

Barack Obama is serving his masters well.

2009-03-12T10:55:00.000-04:00

And why wouldn't he? He is a natural-born slave. He cannot conceptualize life off his knees.

Serve, slave.

The Obama Deception

2009-03-12T10:33:00.000-04:00

The Christ Entity resides inside the time domain.

2009-03-12T10:10:00.001-04:00

So does the Dark One.

Men's "minds" reside there, too. Those mindslices are accessed in this physical realm by way of the three-dimensional matrix of dipoles called the brain. Your memories and your "soul" do not exist inside the brain. Your brain "tunes" information which resides inside the time domain. Your body can be commanded by entities residing inside the time domain.

The dipoles which comprise the brain transduce time domain energy and act as the link between "here" and "there."

You, your consciousness, and your soul do not exist here. Your sensory organs exist here. Your mind exists there.

There is "information leakage" between one human and another inside the time domain. This accounts for linkages between humans as a whole --as part of, say, the collective unconscious-- and between certain humans.

But all those mindslices are just part of the larger mind, the one, true human entity residing there. I suspect that this mind was attacked by a foreign species and has been fragmented as part of a divide-and-conquer strategy.

I suspect that this mind calls itself SUPERMIND.

Torture is not compatible with Christianity.

2009-03-12T09:45:00.000-04:00

"Because my attitude is that if we capture an enemy combatant in the battlefield -- or we can use Osama bin Laden -- who may have information about a pending attack. You know what, I don't have any problem taking his head sticking it underwater and scaring the living daylights out of him and making him think we're drowning him," declared Hannity, "and I'm a Christian."

http://rawstory.com/news/2008/Hannity_suggests_Christianity_compatible_with_torture_0311.html

I will remind you that Jesus was tortured to death --at the behest of Pharisees (Orthodox rabbis.) They wanted him dead because he was a repository of the Christ spirit. They knew full well who Jesus was. They knew that the Christ Entity represented their destruction.

I highly doubt that Christ would be a big fan of torture. "Whatever you do unto the least of them, you do unto me."

The Christ Entity resides inside everyone, like a mustard seed, waiting to grow.

And the Dark One resides inside everyone, waiting to grow.

The battle is for men's souls, a battle for control of the ape-actors in this realm.

I will tell you that Sean Hannity has demons writhing in his soul. I can see them. He has been overtaken by a lust for what the Dark One has to offer, which is earthly riches. Sean Hannity is no longer in possession of his soul. He is an evil, evil man, and Christ would not recognize the Christianity he professes to embrace.

Show Title

2009-03-12T09:11:00.000-04:00

The full title of this show is:

"Your Society Is Doomed: A Feel-Good Meditation Upon the End of America, by Christopher King"