OK. This is what we're doing.

I'm sorry to keep shuttling everyone back and forth between theaters. But I got my account at TypePad working again, and that is my preferred venue. So new rule: Henceforth all Christopher King comedic writings will be available in one location at ckpi.typepad.com

One address. One show name. No moving around.

The name of the "show" is just Christopher King.

In the sidebar of the Christopher King blog will be links to all the old blogs located everywhere else in the universe.

Sorry about the hassle, everyone.

And in keeping with 2009 being a good year, and since we're going to have more fun from here on out, I will do some videos. I haven't done any since 2007 or so.

This is my pledge to you:

"Whereas I, Christopher King, cannot STAND doing vicious, mean, nasty material --it's bad for the soul and only causes people to hate me-- I will permit my style to evolve naturally, but it will tend toward the fun and the spiritual rewarding. In short, everyone ends the day better off for knowing me."

Everyone is welcome here, even if I kicked you out earlier; everyone is loved here; everyone is a valued member of the audience.

Please take a seat, please laugh, and please contribute to the joy in this world.

No more shivs. They hurt everyone involved.

Love and Peace to you.

Love, Chris

Noooowwwww, let's move! http://ckpi.typepad.com/

So I had my Nutjob Appointment today.

At the nut hatch autism doctor. We talked for a while. (I conveniently neglected to mention that if I want to talk to the president I just type something and that people on TV are talking to me. Instant lockup.)

And he had me take an intelligence test with his buxom assistant doctor woman. I so completely aced it. I finished it and then I'm all like, "When's the test start?" and the doctor woman is fingering herself and she say "I want you baby, Mister King. Me want your genetic code like now."

But on the note of people on TV talking to me, please know that I do not receive television signals at my house. And I generally no longer catch too many shows on the internet. It's just too emotionally disturbing to try to read into things that people are saying. There's a 50/50 chance that I'll get it wrong. From now on I respond only to explicit YES/NO, ON/OFF queries. No offense to anyone, and I certainly didn't intend any if ever I was crazy in response to people on TV talking to me.

I like your shows; it's just too weird and too freaky to try to gain information in what people on TV say. So let's just not rely on it, ok?

The past four years have been real rough for me. Real stressful. Forgive me if I pissed anyone off. The stress was just unreal.

And the good thing about hiring me--

is that I will officially have a disability --assuming that I allow the psychotherapist to put the moves on me. So with my handicap, I can cut your team some slack with the Equal Employment people or whatever in case you do too many retarded people jokes.

How's that sound?

I would very much like to work in comedy.

I don't want the past six years to be a waste. If anyone wants to hire me, I would be much appreciative. I will do my level best to play well with others. And I'm sorry if ever I was mean to anyone. It was an unsavory but necessary ingredient in the stew of sadness that has been my brand of material.

I would like to come inside now. I'll be good.

Well, it's off to the nut hatch today.

Not actually the nut hatch --the diagnostic psychotherapist's office. He specializes in autism spectrum disorders. He'll give me a once-over and maybe put the moves on me. (He sounds gay on the phone.)

After I pay him some money for several hours' testing, he will award me with my very own disability. I may then use that diagnosis to get out of any number of jams. "Excuse me! Asperger sufferer coming through! I've got a disability!" Maybe I'll even get a handicap placard for my car.

And then I can go to group therapy where we all sit around the nut hatch and learn skills like how to look at people without staring at them, how to modulate the tone of one's robot voice, and how generally not to be a complete creep.

I shall keep you apprised.

I'm missing something.

Aside from honestly not knowing what "teabagging" meant in its slang usage, I see that all of a sudden there are tea parties going on all over the place and Fox News and everyone else is talking about them.

I am always suspicious when a thing goes mainstream. You are aware of my contrarian approach to things --my contention that since narratives and other products get sold just like soap powder, that what is believed by the bulk of the people in the center of the bell curve is the result of costly advertising. Who's behind the advertising? What is their aim? So when tea parties are all of a sudden popular, I am very skeptical.

This appears to be an establishment attempt to safely channel popular anger into some meaningless act. I will remind you that the original Boston Tea Party was an act of economic "terrorism." Some patriots destroyed the cargo of a vessel. It wasn't some symbolic act. It was a kick in the gut.

The truth is spoken in plain sight.

A Homeland Security-funded law enforcement fusion center in Virginia included groups some may categorize as "leftwing" among those it considers to be terrorism threats. In a lengthy assessment, reported on by RAW STORY April 6, groups such as the anti-Scientology movement "Anonymous," the "New Black Panthers" and even environmental group "Earth First!" are said to be domestic terrorism risks. The Virginia assessment even alleged that the nation's oldest colleges are "radicalization nodes" for terrorist recruitment.

"This is the job of DHS, to assess what is happening in this country, with regard to homegrown terrorism, and determine whether it's an actual threat or not, and that's what these assessments do," a Homeland Security official told Fox on Monday. "This is nothing unusual. These assessments are done all the time. This is about awareness."

http://rawstory.com/news/2008/DHS_Rightwing_extremism...the_most_dangerous_terrorism_0414.html

I am going to help you understand what is happening. The body of the people have been attacked by a band of criminals. The federal government is completely corrupt. It is completely in service to bankers. (This is not an argument. I am not trying to convince you of anything. At this point in the game, I am merely informing you of how it is. I am the veteran beat cop pointing out the local criminal element to the rookie. So listen up.)

In the final paragraph of the excerpt above, the DHS Man says some things. In order to interpret what's he's saying, you need to know who he works for and who he regards as his enemy. (Don't make assumptions here. Don't assume that he works for you and that his enemies are the enemies that get advertised on TV, like ShamWow rags or that big, floppy, blanket garment that people wear as if they're one step from the nuthouse. Those garments are weird.)

He says that:

• It is the job of DHS to assess what's happening in the country,
• to determine whether it's a threat or not, and
• this is about awareness.

Sure, but whose awareness? And awareness of what? Who is the people he works for, and on whose behalf the department was created. What is their political opposition, the average guy with a rifle who has the power to resist the conquering band of bankers.

Part of DHS's job is to scope out domestic challenges to that conquering band of bankers --those who hired corrupt elements of CIA, Mossad, and the Pentagon to execute 9-11. DHS then labels any domestic political opposition a "terrorist" or an "extremist." Those persons then fall within the purview of the "anti-terror" legislation and they may be "legally" whisked off to be raped and tortured, deprived of habeas corpus, never to be heard from again.

So now you know the purpose of DHS and all "anti-terror" legislation: to identify and neutralize domestic political opposition to the conquering of the United States.

You need to know that everything is completely backwards with DHS. The guys they say are the bad guys are actually the good guys. (DHS, will, of course, smear by association by throwing in some genuine bad guys on their list.) But there ain't nothin' more patriotic than Grannies with Guns. That's why DHS can't stand them.

If there is one thing I wish to impart to all of you, it is this:

Don't wait to say "I love you."

Because you don't know when you'll get another chance. If you feel it, say it. "No strings attached. I love you. It doesn't mean anything beyond that. So don't be scared of this thing I'm telling you. It is simply this: I love you."

Everyone wants to be loved. Everyone deserves to be loved. George Bush, I love you. I always have. Barack Obama, I love you. I love each and every last one of you in my magical audience inside my mind.

If there is someone you love, but to whom you have not yet said "I love you," I want you to say it at your next meeting. If you don't know what to say, you say this: "There is something I have wanted to say. Don't take it at all bad; it's a good thing. I am simply stating that I love you."

Because you never know; that person may love you, too. And in any event, who will complain about being loved?

Love has been one of the recurring themes of mine over the past five years. This world needs more love.

Please love one another.

Love while you can.

"In the end, the joke will be on me."

"Trust me: In the end the joke will be on me. And I don't mind the audience witnessing the joke being on me." --Little Mister Prophet, Chris King, May 2005

And this is where the punchline is now unveiled:

I would have won my prize had I

1. Not ever taken up stand-up and not ever covered The Material (That Needed Covering), and,
2. Never left Orlando.

In short, had I just hung around, I would have won back my best friend.

But in six years, people move on. People who deserve to move on. Everyone moves on.

...everyone except for Chris. ...because Chris gets stuck, like a broken record.

And that is that.

If someone wants to echo me back, that would be great.

Because I'm very lonely right now and I need to know that someone's listening to my cell-wall tappings.

As a comedic form,

a "shiv in the belly" is nothing. It's completely artless. Anyone can do it, even some common street thug.

I am going to go back to basics and start crafting some simple, setup/punchline jokes. The proper contrast of a punchline against a setup causes an involuntary paroxysm of laughter in the primate brain. Laughter feels good. So let's spoof that brain response just for the sake of doing it.

So even though the setup/punchline construction is very simple, maybe it's what the doctor ordered for us all. ...because we are all so very, very sad. And the laughter would do us good.

So let's forget the social commentary and the name-calling and the beatings for a while. Let's just see if we can laugh again.

This is why DHS needs to go bye-bye.

A Department of Homeland Security intelligence assessment equates gun owners with violent terrorists and states that radical extremists are “stockpiling” weapons in fear of an Obama administration gun ban.

This newly uncovered document is just the latest in a long sordid line of training manuals in which the federal government characterizes millions of American citizens as potentially violent terrorists who are a threat to law enforcement.

The document is entitled Rightwing Extremism: Current Economic and Political Climate Fueling Resurgence in Radicalization and Recruitment (PDF link) and was released just a few days ago. The paper is labeled Law Enforcement Sensitive and states, “No portion of the LES information should be released to the media, the general public, or over non-secure Internet servers. Release of this information could adversely affect or jeopardize investigative activities.”

However, probably as a result of a concerned whistleblower, the secret document has been leaked to the Internet. Alex Jones called the numbers listed on the document and validated its authenticity. He contacted the “watch captain” at the Department of Homeland Security’s National Infrastructure Coordinating Center who confirmed the product number on the document as legitimate but would not comment further. A call to the FBI went unanswered.

http://www.prisonplanet.com/secret-homeland-security-threat-assessment-labels-gun-owners-potential-terrorists.html

Are you starting to get the picture? Rahm Emanuel drools at the prospect of employing some kind of retrograde, boneswinger, cucka law that allows for nullifying the 2nd Amendment just by putting someone on DHS's Smelly Ol' Terriss List. See how easy it is?

And DHS now considers gun owners to be on a par with terriss and extremiss.

DHS is an arm of Israeli intelligence. Michael Chertoff invented DHS. (Who, again, is the ugliest human I have ever seen. His face is the physically ugliest malformed abortion I have ever witnessed. His ugly, satanic soul verily manifests itself in his physical form. He is ugliness personified. He is the single ugliest beast I have ever seen.)

Israeli intelligence played an instrumental role in 9-11.

It is no wonder that Israelis like Rahm Emanuel want to disarm Americans.

I say we get a list of all Israeli DHS officers, drag them from their homes at midnight and put bullets in their heads. How's that sound? Is that extremist enough? 'Cause it's the American Way, you know, killing agents of known hostile foreign powers that fly planes into the World Trade Center. How can you argue with it?

A waste then to put it down?

Beak click-on beak clack

I'm going to go on vacation.

A real one this time.

I'm tired. I'm tired of fighting and tummling and starting trouble. I'm tired of losing my soul. I'm tired of wondering whether I was bad for my audience today. I'm just tired in every way. And I question whether I'm not starting to cause more harm than good.

I simply don't want to do this anymore. Like the job at the liquidation store, it was promised to be something more than it really was. I didn't think it would be taping up broken bags of cat litter all the time. So I just finally got tired and quit. No hard feelings.

I have nothing left. It's all gone. I started this road trip with a tank of gas and a backseat full of provisions and it's all gone. There is nothing left. Nothing. And the road trip was never in service to myself. That's the added dash of... je ne sais quoi... that makes the experience all the more... something...ly... bothersome. To me.

Nasty, mean-spirited "social commentary" is no substitute for humor. And I fear that I've lost what humor I had. Sticking a shiv in someone's belly is not quite the same thing as bringing joy into someone's life, now is it? One's soul is enriched by one of them, impoverished by the other. You know that it's time to go when you can no longer deliver on your promise to make an audience laugh. I'm just too angry and too dark and too mean right now. I really can't be of any use in this state. One comes to know when it's time to fix oneself. "If the cabin depressurizes, put on your own mask first."

I told you that 2009 is the year that good things happen for me. And it is. I have not used any drugs in two years, I have not smoked cigarettes in three weeks, and I drink no more than two drinks in an evening now. I take a brisk, three-mile walk each morning and I feel like a new man. Now that my body is getting in shape, maybe I'll go see someone about working on this mess of a mind of mine.

I'll be around if anyone wants me. I'm easy to find. But absent some explicit, unmistakable invitation to keep up this line of work, I don't see myself continuing. It's a dead-end job. No offense to anyone in my audience, but let's be honest: It's like working at the liquidation store; I'm going broke working for you. I have gone broke: financially, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. There is not a single subsystem that works right now.

I went on a date with a charming young person the other day. He likes 'em older and decrepit and with shingles on their face. Don't ask me why.

He has nothing but bright, shining things in his future. All good things coming down the pike for him. He asked what the license plate on my car was. "It is such a very long story..."

And I realized that he cannot benefit by knowing me.

It is very difficult to feel good about yourself when you have to concede that others cannot benefit by knowing you. "This person can only lose by knowing me. Huh."

Though it's no one's fault, my good-faith prosecution of this line of work has served only to alienate me further from the society with which I sought to connect. The more I reach, the further everything recedes from grasp.

It's like everything over the past six years has been exactly backwards.

I do not wish to go backwards anymore. And so I do not wish to continue this.

I will post technical things related to my jurisdiction at the USov site: http://unitedsov.blogspot.com/

What weakens the Americans' hand here,

is that these Somali pirates are dealing with animals.

A Pentagon official who spoke on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the negotiations said in Washington Saturday morning that there had been no developments overnight. He declined to comment on the report that the U.S. Navy had turned back the pirates.

However, two U.S. officials said Saturday that FBI agents are investigating the Somali pirates who are holding Phillips hostage, raising the possibility of federal charges against the men if they are captured. The officials who spoke on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to discuss the case.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/11/us-warships-block-help-fo_n_185830.html

The FBI cannot effectively bargain because the word of an American has no value. And I suspect that the Somalis are afraid to surrender because they fear being raped, tortured, and killed.

They're dealing with American servicemen. They're dealing with lawless animals.

See,

the problem with the anthrax was that it was so highly weaponized and so specialized that it could easily be traced back to a United States facility.

And the problem with this nanothermite that was found in the WTC dust is that it was so specialized that it can be traced back to the United States Army.

Well, we already have an anthrax--New York--WTC--Giuliani--Army nexus, don't we?

...Army Secretary Thomas E. White. He's a good starting point for your nanothermite investigations.

What lab did that nanothermite come from?

Find it.

Holder.

Download and read this PDF file of the Open Chemical Physics Journal, titled Active Thermitic Material Discovered in Dust from the 9/11 World Trade Center Catastrophe. http://www.bentham-open.org/pages/content.php?TOCPJ/2009/00000002/00000001/7TOCPJ.SGM

It's a good read.

Warning: It's more challenging than what you'd get from the "news"paper or the nightly "news." There's no mention of Allah Ahkbar Jihadists who made that la-la-la-la-la! noise when they defied the laws of physics and then three buildings blowed up and fell down, or how they used their minds to remove the center columns from the Twin Towers so that NIST could accidentally remove those center columns from their models and show how the buildings could blow right up and fall right down, or how the Terriss warped spacetime with their magic dust and caused the White House to set the table with the Cipro china two weeks before the anthrax attacks.

There is nothing stupid, asinine, or mentally retarded in this report, so it is nothing that you would read in the newspaper or see on TV news.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you won't hear Brian Williams talk about this stuff. (Did you hear he won a news award of some kind?)

So why don't you run along and play Attorney General? Hmmm? Sit splayed-toed in front of aalllll those law books of yours and put something together. Don't pick your bumbum! We're watching!

P.S. I loooove how none of your laws even touch me. Not paying income tax for fifteen years is fun. I bought lots of hookers this year. (And I didn't even wind up like the ShamWow guy.) Oh, how the mighty United States has fallen: Can you even imagine back in its heyday, back in the fifties or sixties, back in the strong-like-bull days of all those gleaming B52 bombers and moon landings some guy just openly defying the full weight of the United States? It's like you don't even exist vis-a-vis United Sovereigns of America. Do you see what happens when you lose moral authority? It is as if you had no laws at all.

So why don't you play cops and robbers and go bang-bang! with your finger pistol and go arrest some people? Okay? Let's at least pretend that the mighty United States still exists. Just for old time's sake?

Cue hand wringing in three, two, one.

NAIROBI/NEW YORK (Reuters) - The crew of a U.S.-flagged, Danish-owned freighter hijacked by pirates off Somalia retook control of the ship on Wednesday but their captain was still being held hostage on a lifeboat, the shipping line and a crew member said.

The crew of 20 Americans were in control of the ship and were trying to negotiate their captain's release while they waited for a U.S. warship to arrive, second mate Ken Quinn told CNN.

...

The ship seizure, about 300 miles off Somalia, was the first time Somali pirates have seized U.S. citizens, if only briefly.

U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said she was very worried by the hijacking and called for world action to end the "scourge" of piracy.

http://www.reuters.com/article/worldNews/idUSL851535820090408

It's easy to end the scourge of piracy: You identify the pirates' hangouts and vessels, you keep an eye on them with satellites, you dispatch warships, and you preemptively sink their boats.

How hard is it?

Teddy Roosevelt would be shaking his head at today's military. They can't prevent Israelis from flying planes into the World Trade Center, they can't bring those grunting animals to justice when they're found out, they get the wrong guys in Iraq and Afghanistan --you know, places that had nothing to do with 9-11-- they rape little girls and boys in gulag hellholes, aaaannnnnndddd --drumroll, please-- they can't manage to rid the shipping lanes of guys with machetes and AK-47s in speedboats.

I'm pretty sure the Department of Defense does absolutely nothing.

When the postmortem is performed on this age of putrid lies,

lies that caused the murders of three thousand people in New York, the murders of a million Iraqis, the torture of scores of hapless nobodies, and the domestic theft of Americans' rights and the dismantling of lawful government, it will be plain --with precious, precious few exceptions-- that if a word was printed on newsprint or was spoken on television, that it was completely irrelevant to any meaningful national discussion.

From the years 2001 to 2009, the value of the print and broadcast news media approached zero. Good for disseminating narratives, but little else.

So when you've been laid off from your newspaper job and you regret not being able to hobnob with thieves at your Gridiron dinner or whatever --journalists should never, ever be hobnobbing with politicians, much less dancing onstage with Mixmaster Rove and the Funky Bunch anyway-- so when you're sitting in your sunroom at home, drinking coffee at eight in the morning instead of being at work, don't moan and groan about those filthy bloggers stealing your oh-so-valuable AP news and aggregating it.

...You weren't doing anything with it anyway.

Nine-Eleven, the story of your LIFETIME, got broke by the alternative news media.

Not you.

Let's recap:

• A five-dollar calculator will indicate that it is nigh impossible for a steel-framed structure to collapse from fire. NIGH IMPOSSIBLE. It brushes up against 'impossible.' And three structures successfully brush up against 'impossible' and collapse in one day? Uh huh. Right.
  
• Your five-dollar calculator predicts that the energy deficit required to collapse those buildings can best be accounted for by demolitions charges. Thermite demolitions charges are the mode of the day. Hypothesis formed.
  
• Lo and behold, physicists independently discover thermitic material in the World Trade Center debris. Hypothesis buttressed.

So when you're cryin' a river about how no one appreciates good journalism anymore, just remember that you can't even cover your own material, the SCOOP OF A LIFETIME, how thieves hired compartmentalized elements within the CIA, Mossad, the Pentagon, the Bush Administration, and the "news" media to pull off the most artless forgery in anyone's recollection.

Pray tell, when are you planning on covering this story?

So Obama has apparently been to the same strip-mall law school that John Yoo went to.

He's got some cockamamie notion of sovereign immunity regarding warrantless wiretapping.

Listen: Either the government permits dispassionate, ho-hum, boring legalpad-and-briefcase warfare in a courtroom to right wrongs, or the people are left with no option but to start killing government agents willy-nilly and burning government buildings down.

That's what lawsuits are for. Deny the people lawsuits and you invite Molotov cocktails. Pick one.

The abuses of the past eight years are over and THEY WILL BE REVERSED, ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. What's it gonna be?

9-11 was a con job executed by thieves. Tomorrow resembles 9-10. ACCOMMODATE YOURSELVES TO THIS REALITY.

Holder.

Take this for action.



And remove me from all terra lists so that I might work. And see that the "SSSS" printed on my airline ticket never again appears. (It's a bit of an insult, wouldn't you say, when we've got criminals running around in broad daylight?)

Now at least act like you work in law enforcement. Nose around Silverstein, Dov Zakheim, Army Secretary Thomas E. White, Rudy Giuliani, Bio-One, and Securacom. You'll have your perps in no time. Try the whole detective thing; it's fun.

P.S. I enjoy being completely exempt from each and every United States law.

I am presently formulating a plan to eradicate the United States.

It is a jurisdiction that is bothersome to me. It steals from me, even when I pretend that it does not exist. Therefore, it needs to disappear.

My jurisdiction is unassailable by United States. I am an 800-pound gorilla. United States lacks prybars sufficient to move my fat ass. All I have to do is decide that I will sit over here now and that is that.

That is how I will terminate United States.

I will let you know the specifics.

There goes the neighborhood.

BOSTON (Reuters) – Vermont lawmakers on Tuesday overrode a veto from the governor in passing a bill that would allow same-sex marriage, clearing the way for the state to become the fourth in the nation where gay marriage is legal.

The Vermont House of Representatives passed the bill by a 100-49 vote after it cleared the state Senate 23-5 earlier in the day. In Vermont, a bill needs two-thirds support in each chamber to override a veto.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090407/ts_nm/us_gaymarriage_vermont_3

You are aware of my opinion on the matter.

The proponents of gay marriage say it's about fairness, I suppose.

Okay. Let's say we have two towns. One has a bridge and the other does not have a bridge. The town without the bridge demands to have a bridge. Why should one town get to have a bridge when the other should not have a bridge, right? Shouldn't the town without a bridge have a bridge?

It depends on what the purpose of a bridge is.

There is a reason why the town without a bridge does not have a bridge: There is nothing over which they need to place a bridge. No river, no chasm, no nothing. The town should not have a bridge because it does not need a bridge.

So the answer to the question of "should not all towns have equal access to bridges" depends on what the purpose of a bridge is.

The purpose of marriage is to promote the stability of the family. A family is comprised of a mother, father, and children. "That is Ogg's woman. You no touch Ogg's woman or village elders beat you with sticks. That is law. You leave other man's woman alone. And Ogg must feed his babies. That is law."

There is no function to gay marriage. It doesn't do anything that cannot be achieved by other legal means, such as durable powers of attorney, etc.

Although I can argue it the other way and tell the good conservative folks of the land not to get too self-satisfied: Their little slut daughters are always knocked up and going unwed. Why, I cannot seem to find a single eligible girl to marry who doesn't already have some other guy's baby, and who isn't on welfare.

I refuse to toil to feed another man's child. My genetic material comes first.

Your society is doomed because the family failed. The family failed because marriage was not enforced on little slut girls and their no-count, loser boyfriends.

We need fewer gay marriages around here and more shotgun marriages.

CLEAVE TO YOUR WOMAN AND FEED YOUR CHILDREN. LET NO ONE TEAR ASUNDER YOUR FAMILY.

Change we can believe in.

In a stunning defense of President George W. Bush's warrantless wiretapping program, President Barack Obama has broadened the government's legal argument for immunizing his Administration and government agencies from lawsuits surrounding the National Security Agency's eavesdropping efforts.

In fact, a close read of a government filing last Friday reveals that the Obama Administration has gone beyond any previous legal claims put forth by former President Bush.

Responding to a lawsuit filed by a civil liberties group, the Justice Department argued that the government was protected by "sovereign immunity" from lawsuits because of a little-noticed clause in the Patriot Act. The government's legal filing can be read here (PDF).

http://rawstory.com/news/2008/Obama_Administration_quietly_expands_Bushs_legal_0407.html

The man is a complete fraud. Have you Obamadrones gotten the picture yet? (You looked pretty idiotic, by the way, with your cryin' and your swayin' and your singin'. You looked like a bunch of buck-toothed republicans at Jesus Camp, playing the spoons and whistlin' across a moonshine jug.)

He doesn't work for you. He used you to get elected. (Suckered again. When will you fools ever learn?) He works for the bankers who purchased ProductName 9-11 from the CIA, Mossad, and the Pentagon. Then those bankers went on to get their lackeys in Congress to submit and pass legislation that provided for the dismantling of your lawful government. Smooth move.

Get down with the times: Recognize that the government pulled up stakes and went bye-bye. Form your own jurisdiction. Problem solved.

Obama: Pretty soon I'll be transmitting a draft version of the PPU Interoperations Framework. Since no one is following the law around here, I will tell you what I will permit in my life.

I will inform you of what the law is. You get no input on what the law is when you ignore the law.

War criminal.

Vinny wins an award.

PHOENIX — NBC anchorman Brian Williams has been named this year's recipient of the Walter Cronkite Award.

Williams will be honored by Arizona State University's Walter Cronkite School of Journalism at a luncheon Nov. 18 in Phoenix.

The "NBC Nightly News" anchor says he grew up idolizing Cronkite and there is no greater name in broadcast journalism.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/06/brian-williams-wins-walte_n_183755.html

Well maybe now that he's all journalist and everything, Mister Williams will explain to his audience how he allowed Message Force Multipliers --paid shills of the Pentagon and the defense industries-- to pose as objective authorities on his news show. Mister Williams has yet to apologize to his audience.

And maybe he'll let us all know how That Cho Thing really went down, what with that eagle-eyed postal worker just happening to notice the return address on a piece of mail --out of all the pieces of mail that move through Manhattan on any given day, our intrepid postal worker just happened to notice that one-- and he dropped everything he was doing and breathlessly hand-delivered it to the NBC News studios.

Uh huh.

Sociopaths.

Obviously, the United States Government needs to be removed by force.

(And I'm sure that statement will get me on yet another terra list. I don't care. I'm just rackin' 'em up, like comedy prizes. I will verily collapse under the weight of them all at the awards ceremony. "And the winner is... America's Senior Hobbyist Comedian (R)! He wins again!")

A newly leaked terrorism assessment from a law enforcement fusion center in Virginia shows that police and feds are targeting "historically black colleges" as "radicalization nodes" for terrorists.

RAW STORY has published the entirety of the 215 page report, available here in PDF format.

http://rawstory.com/news/2008/Virginia_terror_assessment_targets_enormous_crosssection_0406.html

I absolutely GUARANTEE YOU that input on the creation of this list was provided by the Anti-Defamation League and/or the Southern Poverty Law Center. If either one of them opens its mouth, run the other way. Only putrid, disgusting lies will spill forth.

The ADL is a known intelligence operation of a hostile foreign power, the nation that attacked you on 9-11, Israel. Its job is to spread lies. It defames. And it spies on Americans. You can do a search for 'ADL' and 'spying' and read all about it. The ADL is a rat's nest of vermin.

Fusion Center = Department of Homeland Security penetration of local law enforcement.

It is said that the Justice Department had become politicized during the Bush Adminstration, right? What's that mean? That means that it had come to operate on something other than pure principles of proper government; it had come to operate to the benefit of some special political interest.

Well, if the Justice Department had become politicized, then what makes you think that the entire government had not become politicized?

And someone recently said that Dick Cheney had "stay-behinds" in the government, people who reported back to him and who would presumably do his bidding.

So we have made the conceptual leap that entire departments of the government had become politicized, and that people exist within that government who work for their own private ends while executing their civil servant function.

This means that your own United States Government is, to some degree, operating unlawfully.

I will tell you that whenever you see any official pronouncement whatsoever about "terrorism," that pronouncement has been promulgated by the very people who executed 9-11. They are doing one of two things:

• They are cultivating the gardeners who can carry the knife from the kitchen into the study, or
• They are laying plot points for the eventual smearing of the their political enemies.

For example --if you can care to click through to the Raw Story piece-- you will see some militia groups and "Lone Wolf" people and --get this-- some group called "Anonymous" --I guess that's the catch-all. These would be their political enemies, I suppose. (By the way, "militia groups" are perfectly legal. They are the unorganized militia. They are groups of guys with guns and chewing tobacco who get together now and again and drag government agents from the dinner table at gunpoint and unceremoniously blow their brains out on the front lawn for the crime of being uppity and presuming to call advocating an adherence to the Constitution to be illegal. Militia groups are the salt of the earth --unless you're a criminal. Militia groups are the American Way. Why, Deval Patrick knows something about Militia Groups; he marches around his office with a tri-cornered hat.)

And, further, in this list you will see something called "Sovereign Citizen Extremists." I know which "sovereign citizens" they're talking about. They're talking about those people who claim a United States citizenship by virtue of first being a state citizen, not by virtue of the 14th Amendment. Strictly speaking, the "sovereign" referred to here is not the "sovereign" in the sense in which I use it. The sense in which I use it is that when political structures operate manifestly unlawfully, they extinguish themselves. All sovereignty devolves to the individual, from whom political structures derive their sovereignty. There are some people in this world who believe that sovereignty begins with the state. They are incorrect. Men existed prior to the state; ergo the state could not have ever been sovereign absent a transfer of original sovereignty.

In short, when all jurisdictions in sight extinguish themselves through unlawful behavior, the man left standing possesses his original sovereignty. Some people don't like this notion; they would prefer that a government not lose its sovereignty despite its unlawful behavior. And this is why certain people are on the terra list. They represent a mortal threat to an out-of-control government.

I am sorry to hear that your mother died.

I will do my best to make you smile today.

Waking up.

Dangerous material is the crack cocaine of comedy.

I haven't done any in a while and now I'm jonesin'.

But it's not like I have to get on my hands and knees and finger through the shag carpet, looking for a rock I may have dropped once; there's plenty for the plucking like fruit from a tree.

Do you know Douglas Adams and his Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy? Do you remember the babel fish? The babel fish was a species of small fish that --when inserted into one's ear-- could translate any spoken language into brain waves. It was the perfect translator between races. Anything could be translated; just put a babel fish in your ear and listen.

We have a babel fish, you know: thermitic material. It's used in controlled demolitions. Thermitic material was found in the World Trade Center rubble. (Which is probably why the big rush in cleaning it up, even though it was, like, some major crime scene of the century. "Nothing to see here.")

Thermitic material is the babel fish of American politics. It translates anything the Government Man says into brain waves. When the Government Man has something to say to me, I have to beg his indulgence for a moment while I put in my babel fish. I press my finger down on it like I'm seating an earpiece. Ready! "Ah, there we go. I'm sorry, please continue?"

"Yes, Mister King, as I was saying before you had the smashing good idea to insert your universal translator, I could be saying anything right now: Maybe I'm trying to enforce a parking ticket; maybe I'm here with the Prize Patrol to deliver an oversized check and some balloons. It doesn't matter; anything I might say is going to be translated the same way by your Babel Fish of American Politics, and that translation is this:

"It is now clear to even the biggest moron in the world that the Twin Towers were brought down in a controlled demolition, using thermite demolitions charges, just as your Big Button Calculator predicted. But even though you are extremely brilliant, you're no smarter than I, the Government Man. Your intelligence is no better than mine; I have entire teams of very smart people who are supposed to be professional investigators. So we know full well that the Twin Towers were brought down using thermite. But yet we do nothing about it. That means that we're complicit in it; we work for the bankers who commissioned the event for the purpose of launching foreign wars of aggression and for the purpose of dismantling lawful government and enslaving your children.

"Because the TV Man tells us that 9-11 was executed by smelly ol' terriss, and since it turns out that I abet the people who executed 9-11, then that means --quite logically and legally-- that I am a smelly ol' terriss.

"And since it is the highest patriotic duty of Americans --or so goes the advertising, anyway-- to kill the smelly ol' terriss who executed 9-11, you have my permission, kind sir, to immediately kill me if I so much as look at you crosseyed. It plays very, very well, so don't you worry. And thanks for giving me the warning; I'll be on my best behavior now that I know where you stand.

"Isn't it a wondrous world in which we live? If I am smart, I will never, ever, ever come around, trying to extend my "law" to you. My standards are obviously inferior to yours.

"I think it is so massively cool that you have your own jurisdiction. It is so completely rad that no one's laws even touch you. You have perfect moral authority. Your conception of law is just higher, that's all.

"You truly are a sovereign being, Mister King. You are the first person in the history of the world to publicly and righteously shrug off the yoke of the state. No one in your theater could, with a straight face, claim to possess the moral authority to rule you.

"Good show, Mister King."

"There must be someone else there besides your wife to answer. ...There's a man answering."

My signature wardrobe is the following:

Full Nazi regalia: polished black boots, black uniform, armband. Armband has a pagan fertility symbol on it --a bee, maybe. I'm wearing one of those surgeon's mirrors on my head. In my breast pocket is a scalpel. Full Heil Hitler salute with my right arm. My left hand holds one of those dog leashes with the invisible dog on the end.

Isn't it delicious in so many ways?

Can you see it coming into view? It's your future.

I went to a fag party last night.

At someone's well-appointed fag house. A restored Victorian beauty.

A fag party is where all the homos recognize that this isn't a company function, so they leave their girlfriends at home; there's no one to fool with protestations of not being a fag when you ostentatiously drag your girlfriend around trying to convince people that you're not as queer as you obviously are. At a fag party, there are no such pretensions to straightness; you can suck some dicks if you want to and no one will mind. People figure you probably do that anyway, what with being so obviously gay. And get out of my theater, by the way.

So all the homos want gay marriage. I couldn't care less. I'm more concerned about finding a date, someone who will complement my dazzlingly attractive personality. So let's not put the cart before the horse.

Vermont's got some gay marriage legislation sitting on the Governor's desk, awaiting his expected veto.

The homos wanted me to put in a good word. Again, I don't actually care. But here's the good word.

Obligation fulfilled.

"Chris, your so stupid."

"That certainly cannot be thermitic material in the recovered World Trade Center dust; its existence would confirm the predictions of your four-dollar-and-ninety-nine-cent Big Button calculator that you got at the liquidation store; it would confirm your contention that an energy deficit would have required the application of external sources of energy to bring down the twin towers; it would prove your hypothesis that thermite demolitions charges were employed in the collapse of the World Trade Center. It seems you have your smoking gun, finally. ...P.S.: I think it's so cool how you have your own government now and how no one else's laws touch you. Can I join?"

A team of nine scientists have unearthed startling data from dust gathered in the days and weeks after the World Trade Center towers collapsed on 9/11. They discovered that scattered throughout the dust samples were red and gray chips of 'active thermitic material', or an un-reacted pyrotechnic explosive.

...

“These observations reminded us of nano-thermite fabricated at the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory and elsewhere; available papers describe this material as an intimate mixture of UFG[Ultra-fine grain] aluminum and iron oxide in nano-thermite composites to form pyrotechnics or explosives. Commercially available thermite behaves as an incendiary when ignited, but when the ingredients are ultra-fine grain and are intimately mixed, this 'nano-thermite' reacts very rapidly, even explosively, and is sometimes referred to as 'super-thermite',” the report explains.

http://rawstory.com/news/2008/Scientists_find_active_superthermite_in_WTC_0404.html

"Nano...composites...fabric--...super thermite?... Huh? How will Abe Foxman and Mark Weitzman moan and groan and fall down and turn an ankle and burst into tears about how these pocket-protector-equipped scientists should be regarded as Allah Ahkbar jihadists if there isn't a single recipe for eating Jews in their report?"

Global Reserve Currency

A single clause in Point 19 of the communiqué issued by the G20 leaders amounts to revolution in the global financial order.

"We have agreed to support a general SDR allocation which will inject $250bn (£170bn) into the world economy and increase global liquidity," it said. SDRs are Special Drawing Rights, a synthetic paper currency issued by the International Monetary Fund that has lain dormant for half a century.

In effect, the G20 leaders have activated the IMF's power to create money and begin global "quantitative easing". In doing so, they are putting a de facto world currency into play. It is outside the control of any sovereign body. Conspiracy theorists will love it.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/comment/ambroseevans_pritchard/5096524/The-G20-moves-the-world-a-step-closer-to-a-global-currency.html

So the bankers --who comprise their own territorially inspecific jurisdiction-- remove liquidity from the global financial system in the Financial Attack of 2008, let the world sweat it for a few months, then roll out their new global currency, based on some kind of special drawing rights.

Do you see that this currency is just a "long pole" with which to immobilize the peoples of the world? Like in that movie Apocalypto, where the slaves got tied together with a long pole?

Folks, I am not in competition with anyone. Should anyone out there regard himself as my political adversary, he is mistaken. I am a free agent. I am not "against" anyone. I don't want your money. I don't want your women. I'm tellin' ya how I see it, and that's all I have to offer.

Some idiot walked into the gas station the other day. Fancies himself a genius because he's "pretty active in the market." The stock market, I suppose. He's on a first-name basis, he's so intimate with it; it's just the "market" to him.

Well, the "market" is a ponzi scheme. It's a game of musical chairs. It's where very smart, very wealthy people legally steal money from poor, stupid people. And if you are not of the caliber of person who owns shares in central banks, then let me tell you right now that you're a nobody. You're in the market to get fleeced, and you're too stupid to realize it.

He wants to talk finance with the gas station guy. Fine. I can talk finance. I say, "I can predict what's going to happen with the dollar's status as a reserve currency because I happen to know that the owners of the Federal Reser--"

"Bup bup bup!" He waved his hand as if swatting a fly from his ear. "I don't want to hear your black helicopter talk."

He has obviously been listening to talk radio; he has no idea what he's talking about. Someone who gets paid big money to perform on TV or on the radio has been putting in his head the notion that discussing the identities of the owners of central banks is cockamamie kookie talk. Mission accomplished. Our Finance Expert now has no clue who runs the show around here.

(Not to mention that I can talk black helicopter talk if he wants me to. That's not black helicopter talk. If I start talking black helicopter talk, his mind would implode and he'd never get out of bed again.)

It's often useful to know who owns things. Because once you know who owns a thing, you may be able to guess how he may dispose of that thing.

A lot of land around here is owned by paper companies. You can lease a plot of land from the paper company and put a structure on it. Maybe you can rent someone else's structure that has already been built on a plot. It is useful to know who owns that land. The paper company may, at any time, instruct you to remove your building from your leased plot of land. They have every right to do so.

This is perhaps an inapt analogy, but the point is that it is often useful to know who owns things. This knowledge lets you predict the future.

Our Finance Expert doesn't even understand that the Federal Reserve Note is a privately owned and issued fiat currency.

Likewise, these Special Drawing Rights --or whatever the bankers settle on as a new global reserve currency-- are a privately owned and issued fiat currency. It will be useful to know who owns them, as we may then predict the behavior of the owners of that currency.

I happen to know that the owners of the various European central banks are a murderous bunch. Adolf Hitler was their little darling who could do no wrong.

Meditate on this for a moment: The bankers who heretofore had contented themselves with a eugenics operation confined to the reach of the Nazi war machine have just created a new global reserve currency, the use of which will permit them to dissolve all national sovereignty and install themselves as the de facto rulers of the world. They will have tied everyone to a long pole, from which no one will escape.

Ahem: A global Nazi dictatorship is in the process of being erected by the same bankers who hired Adolf Hitler to cleanse the diseased limb of those who had rejected the authority of the Talmud. Is that clear enough for you?

If any global, fiat reserve currency is permitted to exist, the creators and owners of that currency WILL bring a hell to this earth. Your children will forever be enslaved.

Do you not feel any obligation to future generations? Do you feel no responsibility to leave them free rather than enslaved? You remove sharp nails from your house and install safety things in the electrical outlets so that small children don't get shocked. But you feel no concern whatsoever about leaving dangerous political structures lying around?

Folks, I am no one's enemy. I am telling you that you are enslaving your own children.

If there is any global fiat reserve currency, administered and policed by some private entity, they will use that power to compel your children to serve them.

And if you --like our Finance Expert-- think that you are one of the important players, you're not. You will not be served. You will do the serving. You and your children.

Tyrannical political systems only become more tyrannical. They feed on themselves. They produce all manner of dehumanizing behavior.

The entire world will be a Nazi concentration camp. The entire world will resemble China, where if you complain in any way, you will simply be tortured and then killed for your organs.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I know that you'll be discussing some kind of international currency solution at your G20 meeting.

There is something that you should be aware of, which your intelligence agencies already know: The bankers who commissioned 9-11 are the same bankers who commissioned the Shoah. They also executed the Financial Attack of 2008, which has caused the very financial troubles in which we now find ourselves.

They created the problem and they now offer the solution. ...conveniently enough...

Do not take it.

If you permit these bankers to issue a global currency in which all human economic activity is conducted, then those bankers will control all human economic activity. It is quite necessarily so. They will be the electrician in the cellar.

I've been studying these Luciferian bankers for some number of years.

If you permit these bankers to issue one global currency, they will erect their global government and bring hell to this earth.

You must devise a new currency whose value cannot be manipulated by any one party. Your currency must have inherent value. It must be backed by commodities.

If you permit these Luciferian bankers to control your currency, all future generations will live in total, dehumanizing slavery.

That is not hyperbole.

Bankers are the enemies of all mankind. They are parasites. They are the enemies of mankind. Do you understand?

Do not give bankers control over the medium of human economic activity.

Occupation government? Where have I heard that before?

Former Vice President Dick Cheney has moles in the Obama government which report back to him from the Pentagon, investigative reporter Seymour Hersh told NPR and MSNBC on Tuesday.

Speaking with NPR's Terri Gross, Hersh revealed that the former Vice President -- who he characterized as "really smart" -- has individuals that report back to him from key positions in government. He called these individuals "stay-behinds," an intelligence term generally applied to insiders left behind in foreign governments after the occupying power is driven out.

http://rawstory.com/news/2008/Hersh_Cheney_has_moles_in_Obama_0401.html

"Chris, even though you're a complete nutjob and I laugh my horse-faced laugh at whatever kookie thing you're saying next, it seems that you're always several years ahead of the curve. It seems that we've been living under an occupation government for the past eight years, ever since Cheney's banker employers flew planes into the World Trade Center and then trotted out their Enabling Acts which erected a police state. (And that certainly explains why Norm Mineta witnessed Dick Cheney presiding over the interceptor stand-down on 9-11.) Now excuse me while I laugh my horse-faced laugh at your latest contention that the occultist, pagan, Earthen Ones are erecting a gigantic fascist state for the purpose of carrying out a global, Nazi, eugenics program to reduce the human population by 80% and create a slave class. Hahaha. You're such an idiot."

Fake Plastic Trees