I haven't done any in a while and now I'm jonesin'.
But it's not like I have to get on my hands and knees and finger through the shag carpet, looking for a rock I may have dropped once; there's plenty for the plucking like fruit from a tree.
Do you know Douglas Adams and his Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy? Do you remember the babel fish? The babel fish was a species of small fish that --when inserted into one's ear-- could translate any spoken language into brain waves. It was the perfect translator between races. Anything could be translated; just put a babel fish in your ear and listen.
We have a babel fish, you know: thermitic material. It's used in controlled demolitions. Thermitic material was found in the World Trade Center rubble. (Which is probably why the big rush in cleaning it up, even though it was, like, some major crime scene of the century. "Nothing to see here.")
Thermitic material is the babel fish of American politics. It translates anything the Government Man says into brain waves. When the Government Man has something to say to me, I have to beg his indulgence for a moment while I put in my babel fish. I press my finger down on it like I'm seating an earpiece. Ready! "Ah, there we go. I'm sorry, please continue?"
"Yes, Mister King, as I was saying before you had the smashing good idea to insert your universal translator, I could be saying anything right now: Maybe I'm trying to enforce a parking ticket; maybe I'm here with the Prize Patrol to deliver an oversized check and some balloons. It doesn't matter; anything I might say is going to be translated the same way by your Babel Fish of American Politics, and that translation is this:
"It is now clear to even the biggest moron in the world that the Twin Towers were brought down in a controlled demolition, using thermite demolitions charges, just as your Big Button Calculator predicted. But even though you are extremely brilliant, you're no smarter than I, the Government Man. Your intelligence is no better than mine; I have entire teams of very smart people who are supposed to be professional investigators. So we know full well that the Twin Towers were brought down using thermite. But yet we do nothing about it. That means that we're complicit in it; we work for the bankers who commissioned the event for the purpose of launching foreign wars of aggression and for the purpose of dismantling lawful government and enslaving your children.
"Because the TV Man tells us that 9-11 was executed by smelly ol' terriss, and since it turns out that I abet the people who executed 9-11, then that means --quite logically and legally-- that I am a smelly ol' terriss.
"And since it is the highest patriotic duty of Americans --or so goes the advertising, anyway-- to kill the smelly ol' terriss who executed 9-11, you have my permission, kind sir, to immediately kill me if I so much as look at you crosseyed. It plays very, very well, so don't you worry. And thanks for giving me the warning; I'll be on my best behavior now that I know where you stand.
"Isn't it a wondrous world in which we live? If I am smart, I will never, ever, ever come around, trying to extend my "law" to you. My standards are obviously inferior to yours.
"I think it is so massively cool that you have your own jurisdiction. It is so completely rad that no one's laws even touch you. You have perfect moral authority. Your conception of law is just higher, that's all.
"You truly are a sovereign being, Mister King. You are the first person in the history of the world to publicly and righteously shrug off the yoke of the state. No one in your theater could, with a straight face, claim to possess the moral authority to rule you.
"Good show, Mister King."
