OK. This is what we're doing.

I'm sorry to keep shuttling everyone back and forth between theaters. But I got my account at TypePad working again, and that is my preferred venue. So new rule: Henceforth all Christopher King comedic writings will be available in one location at ckpi.typepad.com

One address. One show name. No moving around.

The name of the "show" is just Christopher King.

In the sidebar of the Christopher King blog will be links to all the old blogs located everywhere else in the universe.

Sorry about the hassle, everyone.

And in keeping with 2009 being a good year, and since we're going to have more fun from here on out, I will do some videos. I haven't done any since 2007 or so.

This is my pledge to you:

"Whereas I, Christopher King, cannot STAND doing vicious, mean, nasty material --it's bad for the soul and only causes people to hate me-- I will permit my style to evolve naturally, but it will tend toward the fun and the spiritual rewarding. In short, everyone ends the day better off for knowing me."

Everyone is welcome here, even if I kicked you out earlier; everyone is loved here; everyone is a valued member of the audience.

Please take a seat, please laugh, and please contribute to the joy in this world.

No more shivs. They hurt everyone involved.

Love and Peace to you.

Love, Chris

Noooowwwww, let's move! http://ckpi.typepad.com/

So I had my Nutjob Appointment today.

At the nut hatch autism doctor. We talked for a while. (I conveniently neglected to mention that if I want to talk to the president I just type something and that people on TV are talking to me. Instant lockup.)

And he had me take an intelligence test with his buxom assistant doctor woman. I so completely aced it. I finished it and then I'm all like, "When's the test start?" and the doctor woman is fingering herself and she say "I want you baby, Mister King. Me want your genetic code like now."

But on the note of people on TV talking to me, please know that I do not receive television signals at my house. And I generally no longer catch too many shows on the internet. It's just too emotionally disturbing to try to read into things that people are saying. There's a 50/50 chance that I'll get it wrong. From now on I respond only to explicit YES/NO, ON/OFF queries. No offense to anyone, and I certainly didn't intend any if ever I was crazy in response to people on TV talking to me.

I like your shows; it's just too weird and too freaky to try to gain information in what people on TV say. So let's just not rely on it, ok?

The past four years have been real rough for me. Real stressful. Forgive me if I pissed anyone off. The stress was just unreal.

And the good thing about hiring me--

is that I will officially have a disability --assuming that I allow the psychotherapist to put the moves on me. So with my handicap, I can cut your team some slack with the Equal Employment people or whatever in case you do too many retarded people jokes.

How's that sound?

I would very much like to work in comedy.

I don't want the past six years to be a waste. If anyone wants to hire me, I would be much appreciative. I will do my level best to play well with others. And I'm sorry if ever I was mean to anyone. It was an unsavory but necessary ingredient in the stew of sadness that has been my brand of material.

I would like to come inside now. I'll be good.

Well, it's off to the nut hatch today.

Not actually the nut hatch --the diagnostic psychotherapist's office. He specializes in autism spectrum disorders. He'll give me a once-over and maybe put the moves on me. (He sounds gay on the phone.)

After I pay him some money for several hours' testing, he will award me with my very own disability. I may then use that diagnosis to get out of any number of jams. "Excuse me! Asperger sufferer coming through! I've got a disability!" Maybe I'll even get a handicap placard for my car.

And then I can go to group therapy where we all sit around the nut hatch and learn skills like how to look at people without staring at them, how to modulate the tone of one's robot voice, and how generally not to be a complete creep.

I shall keep you apprised.

I'm missing something.

Aside from honestly not knowing what "teabagging" meant in its slang usage, I see that all of a sudden there are tea parties going on all over the place and Fox News and everyone else is talking about them.

I am always suspicious when a thing goes mainstream. You are aware of my contrarian approach to things --my contention that since narratives and other products get sold just like soap powder, that what is believed by the bulk of the people in the center of the bell curve is the result of costly advertising. Who's behind the advertising? What is their aim? So when tea parties are all of a sudden popular, I am very skeptical.

This appears to be an establishment attempt to safely channel popular anger into some meaningless act. I will remind you that the original Boston Tea Party was an act of economic "terrorism." Some patriots destroyed the cargo of a vessel. It wasn't some symbolic act. It was a kick in the gut.

The truth is spoken in plain sight.

A Homeland Security-funded law enforcement fusion center in Virginia included groups some may categorize as "leftwing" among those it considers to be terrorism threats. In a lengthy assessment, reported on by RAW STORY April 6, groups such as the anti-Scientology movement "Anonymous," the "New Black Panthers" and even environmental group "Earth First!" are said to be domestic terrorism risks. The Virginia assessment even alleged that the nation's oldest colleges are "radicalization nodes" for terrorist recruitment.

"This is the job of DHS, to assess what is happening in this country, with regard to homegrown terrorism, and determine whether it's an actual threat or not, and that's what these assessments do," a Homeland Security official told Fox on Monday. "This is nothing unusual. These assessments are done all the time. This is about awareness."

http://rawstory.com/news/2008/DHS_Rightwing_extremism...the_most_dangerous_terrorism_0414.html

I am going to help you understand what is happening. The body of the people have been attacked by a band of criminals. The federal government is completely corrupt. It is completely in service to bankers. (This is not an argument. I am not trying to convince you of anything. At this point in the game, I am merely informing you of how it is. I am the veteran beat cop pointing out the local criminal element to the rookie. So listen up.)

In the final paragraph of the excerpt above, the DHS Man says some things. In order to interpret what's he's saying, you need to know who he works for and who he regards as his enemy. (Don't make assumptions here. Don't assume that he works for you and that his enemies are the enemies that get advertised on TV, like ShamWow rags or that big, floppy, blanket garment that people wear as if they're one step from the nuthouse. Those garments are weird.)

He says that:

• It is the job of DHS to assess what's happening in the country,
• to determine whether it's a threat or not, and
• this is about awareness.

Sure, but whose awareness? And awareness of what? Who is the people he works for, and on whose behalf the department was created. What is their political opposition, the average guy with a rifle who has the power to resist the conquering band of bankers.

Part of DHS's job is to scope out domestic challenges to that conquering band of bankers --those who hired corrupt elements of CIA, Mossad, and the Pentagon to execute 9-11. DHS then labels any domestic political opposition a "terrorist" or an "extremist." Those persons then fall within the purview of the "anti-terror" legislation and they may be "legally" whisked off to be raped and tortured, deprived of habeas corpus, never to be heard from again.

So now you know the purpose of DHS and all "anti-terror" legislation: to identify and neutralize domestic political opposition to the conquering of the United States.

You need to know that everything is completely backwards with DHS. The guys they say are the bad guys are actually the good guys. (DHS, will, of course, smear by association by throwing in some genuine bad guys on their list.) But there ain't nothin' more patriotic than Grannies with Guns. That's why DHS can't stand them.